Tag Archives: Self improvement

The Rut


Day to Day routine can quickly become a Rut, rudiments give structure, if your routine is structured in a positive and diversified way, you are moving forward. When you are in a rut and the last week or month is a carbon copy of the last, you need to do something different, especially if you are not satisfied with the way your life is going. People who do things the same way all the time looking for different results are looking through rose coloured glass. It’s not going to happen, if you are in a job that all your efforts go un noticed and un rewarded while others less deserving moves forward. You are in a Den of Nepotism.

If you are there for fifty years and your efforts keep moving the company forward all you can expect is Crumbs. You need to break the cycle, the World is full of corruption, why would the workplace be different. When I worked for Solomon Brothers, It was public knowledge that John Gutfreund made 12 million in salaries and another twelve in Bonus. My first year bonus in a low level Position was 8 thousand dollars and John knew who I was and always spoke. This was not a union Job but we all shared the spoils of profit. Not so for the majority of other Companies that I have worked for, one of them made 100 million in profit one year and the spoils were only divvy at the top. Companies like that as long as you are employed you should always be looking to jump Ship. When you are in a rut with Companies like that for twenty five years  they are always  looking to replace you with fresh blood to usurp them the same way that they did you.

People like that aren’t looking out for your best interest, that is your Job. I am not asking for a share of the company or a percentage of the profit, just to be recognized and rewarded accordingly. Sometimes the same situation exist at home, you are neglected, undermined and taken for granted. Great moments and great sex is a distance occurrence, your Dog gets more attention than you. Again you are in a rut, you can’t leave but you can’t stay, I am not a marriage counselor, I can’t tell you what to do but a blind man can tell you that something is wrong. In an earlier Blog titled Stand up Dad Phil raised his two daughters after their mother ran out of their lives with another man, abandoning the family. He went above and beyond in the Job of raising two Girls, put them through College living in a Condo he bought so they didn’t have to live in a Dorm.

 Those girls made his Life a living Hell while growing up, treated him as if he was the one who abandoned them. In gratitude, when they graduated they moved back Home to finish him off with Stress. They disrespected his new Wife with confrontation daily, with one goal in mind, to split them up. They could not bare to see the Will split three ways and the Mansion going to the Wife. I told Phil many times that he should put them out on the Street, he never listened, to the point where his home life caused him his job. I  guess his rut succumbed him. All that I am saying is that there comes a point in every life when change must come, especially when your sanity takes a beating. You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.

As It’s Bent

 There is no way, no how you can lead me to the contrary,  that as a twig is bent so shall it grow. There is always the possibility of aberration.If you have never said no to your kids, more times in your favor than theirs, the battle is lost. you have failed them by not teaching them that there are boundaries, limitations and consequences to the role they play in Society. A child who encircle himself in self-centerednes cannot grow into a world class citizen, being irreverent of others right’s, feelings and the limits to which you can trespass. Dealing with early tantrums and fits of rage can save you and Society a lot of future grief and headaches. Case in point. A child shows signs of mal-adjustment, yet you ignore and do nothing to correct, years later now a teenager his fallacies have only grown, he is now showing signs of an introvert. yet that don’t mean anything to you, making Guns accessible, adding salt to the wound, you take him to the Target Range and teach him precision. One fateful day he shoots you dead and move on to Kindergarten School and kills twenty three Babies. To some parents recognizing the signs, are like trying to convince a drunk that he is a drunk. Some of us slip through the cracks early in life, it is for us as parents to teach kids the facts of life early on. There will never be another Baby Jesus, yet he was rounded out beyond anyone of us could aspire, so why would we allow our kids to grow up thinking that they’re above our laws, society ‘s laws and the laws of God.
Laws are the Fabric that keeps Society from unraveling. we have to lay out limits and boundaries early in life. I have known parents who allowed their kids to ride rough over them since two years old, after many years of never saying no, the consequences were devastating. You see it every day in the News, your neighbors, people you know and famous people like Aaron Hernandez and many others committing Murder. All because no one took the time to tell them that there are boundaries, limitations and consequences. It takes me one hour each way every day to commute, semi-rural is where I chose to live. Today I woke to the news that one of my neighbors two and a half miles away, committed murder for the third time. not only did his parents failed but so did society. The lessons of limitations , boundaries and consequences were never taught.
 I don’t care what the Phd’ s say this is a classic case study of depraved Human indifference, and the Parole board and his parents should be in prison for unleashing this monster on society. Continue reading the supporting story and judge for yourself.

‘I just have a hard time being rejected,’ says two-time killer accused in third death

HOLIDAY — Warren Birkbeck went to prison in 2000 for slashing his estranged wife’s throat in a New Hampshire condo. Decades earlier, authorities say, he was convicted of manslaughter in Massachusetts.

Now, two years after his release from prison, the 71-year-old man is accused of killing a third person, this time in Pasco County.

Birkbeck was booked on a charge of premeditated murder Wednesday after telling deputies that he stabbed a female roommate three to four times in the chest. He explained that he was in love with the victim, 42-year-old Denise Cook, but that she didn’t feel the same way.

“I just have a hard time being rejected,” he said, according to the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office.

The attack happened just after 3 a.m. Wednesday in a home on Trask Drive in Holiday that was shared by three unrelated adults.

Cook died at the scene. Birkbeck was held without bail at the Pasco County Jail. He was still on probation from the New Hampshire killing, which, after a plea agreement, produced his second manslaughter conviction.

“There’s no other way to say this: He’s a killer,” Pasco County Sheriff Chris Nocco said at a news conference, where he listed Birkbeck’s past convictions. “He has a history of killing people.”

An Associated Press report from 2000 details the New Hampshire stabbing. The circumstances of the Massachusetts conviction were not immediately available.

Birkbeck moved to Florida two years ago after his release from prison to live with his sister, also on Trask Drive.

After his sister died, neighbor Lillian Meyer, 85, took him in, the sheriff said. The church organist, known for her willingness to help others, also took in Cook. A friend said the two women attended church together.

Birkbeck has been under the supervision of the Florida Department of Corrections since Oct. 14, 2015, state records show. He has checked into his local probation office monthly since then, according to agency press secretary Ashley Cook, who called the event “tragic.”

She said he last met with a DOC officer on July 12, and that an officer had previously visited the residence unannounced.

Holiday neighbor April Sullivan, 42, said this is the first she’s learning about Birkbeck’s past.

“I’ve never seen a parole officer pull up in front of that house,” she said. “Who’s watching him?”

The neighbor said she felt uncomfortable around Birkbeck. Something felt off the few times he would stop to chat or try to give her bags of old clothes.

Now she wants to know why others who knew Birkbeck’s past didn’t seem more concerned.

“This is a system failure issue,” she said.

Neil LaRose, a longtime friend of the victim, said he knew about Birkbeck’s New Hampshire manslaughter conviction but not the one in Massachusetts.

He visited the home in Holiday often and said in recent weeks Birkbeck showed signs of mental health issues that should have been addressed.

“I truly don’t believe they kept tabs on him enough,” LaRose.

Under terms of his release, Birkbeck had been ordered to participate in a substance abuse program, avoid alcohol and obtain mental health counseling, among other restrictions. He was also barred from unsupervised contact with children.

Aside from a criminal registration in February of this year, he had no recent criminal history in Florida, state records show.

Deputies said Wednesday’s incident began after Birkbeck overheard Cook talking to a man on the phone. He entered her bedroom to confront her. She screamed at him to get out.

Birkbeck left the room, went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and returned, the Sheriff’s Office reported.

Afterward, he entered the older woman’s room and told her he had just stabbed Cook and that he believed she was dead.

They called 911 together — the 85-year-old organist and the man now accused of murder.

Birkbeck got on the phone and described his actions, the Sheriff’s Office said. He said in an interview with deputies that he “just flipped out.”

Cook was a mother of three, though her children did not live with her.

Her friend LaRose said meeting Meyer was a turning point in Cook’s life, after a rough stretch.

“She’s been down on her luck,” LaRose said.

The women had known each other for at least a year. With Meyer’s help, Cook rediscovered her faith in God, LaRose said.

“Denise and I used to call her [Meyer] our angel,” LaRose said.

LaRose recalled years long ago when Cooke was “super mom” of her Clearwater neighborhood. Cook would host pool parties and deck out her house in thousands of Christmas lights, reflecting a personality that was always cheerful, smiling and bubbly.

Her kinship with the church organist planted sparks that reminded LaRose of that old self.

The older woman pushed Cook to get her life back on track, he said. Cook was about to start a job as a medical assistant.

None of them considered Birkbeck’s interest in Cook any more dangerous than a crush, LaRose said.

But now he is mourning the loss of a friend who not long ago was sharing optimistic plans for the future.

“It’s just a shock and a major tragedy,” he said.




Welcome Back


There’s always a Solution

To my cherished Readers. The last two weeks have been an immense Nightmare. The Site Crashed from a huge influx of Visitors, my previous Host who I believe is under investigation, and is about to shut down, did not answer over 100 phone calls . I must reiterate,  GOD do not sleep, and neither did I for two weeks. Four AM Tuesday morning something or my  Spirit woke me up and sent me to the keyboard of my Computer, not a Clue as to what I was doing there. I started fidgeting with the Keyboard trying to log into my Server’s website, just about to cut my Psychological Wrist, I stumbled upon my present Server. They asked me for my epp code, something I didn’t know that I had jotted in my notes from my initial conversation with my former Host. The moral of this Blog, is never give up on your Dreams under no circumstances, never, never,never Give up, the only time that you are a Looser, is when you give up. From my Mouth to your Children’s ears.



The lack of Humility

20161213_222136If we don’t teach our kids Humility, we do them a great disservice. If you were raised without the gracefulnes of Humility your upbringing was flawed. If you have no perception of a higher Being, and acknowledgement of Life’s Force, your Education is limited. Life Force is whatever Deity you believe in, the Reality that things happen without warning, comprehension or meaning. For instance, a congenital Twin, an Infant born with Cancer, Atmospheric Disturbances, a Plane Crash with one Survivor. Further instances, my High School friend’s Mother diagnosed with Cancer in it’s late stages, told to go home and put her affairs in order, given less than six months to live. She defied her Destiny for twenty five years. Incidentally this Woman was one of the Humblest people I have ever known, I hope that did not come from her close encounter with her Mortality.


For you to walk this Earth thinking God didn’t make you, and that you made yourself what you’ve become, because you’ve never seen the hand of God so how could he be. Yet in the end , with your Fortune and Fame, in your darkest hour, when your 4 -Oclock approaches, you cry out help me Lord. Are you kidding me, your Ethereal being is about to depart. Don’t forget you are self made, it’s time to make yourself a new Life, and extension to the one that dwindles.( 4-O-clock expired 9-lives)  when only the hand of God can save you. Yet another incident of 4-o-clock becoming day break, New Life  and a new beginning. My Mother goes into the Hospital with internal bleeding, Diverticulitis to be precise, the Doctors tell us there is nothing they can do. As a result of age factors an operation was too dangerous, same for a colostomy, all we can do is medicate with Morphine so she can expire comfortable. With the Power of attorney I rejected their recommendations. Within forty eight hours the bleeding stopped on its own, another forty eight she walked out of the Hospital on her own two feet. For the remainder of her Life not another mention of Diverticulitis, what happened did she grew a new one. All I am saying you can’t go walking around this World like you are a Peacock or a pheasant waging your beautiful Tail fethers, and giving others to kiss . Because when 4-o- clock approaches you  need to be Humble.


Two experiences in Humility that stayed with me forever were , in nineteen seventy seven, I met a Man, one of the original founders of the Electronic Stores Outlet. He was worth five hundred million dollars. He was one of the Humblest people I had ever met, treated me as an equal. When his  sons graduated College, he put them to work in the lowest level of his Conglomerate. I questioned him why, he told me to teach the value of a Dollar. I suspected it was to teach  Humility. Nineteen eighty two I worked for Saloman Brother’s Inc in a low level Position. At that time the Company’s Assets were in excess of six Billions. I know that from being the internal Security Officer on duty in the Vault when it was being Audited. It was there I met John Gutfreund, CEO in charge. Although making twelve Million in salary and another twelve in Bonus, John had taken a liking to me unbeknownst to me. When his Apartment on Fifth avenue was to be Renovated, he circumvented my immediate Boss and placed me in charge of Security Baby Sitting the construction Crew. In the Apartment were Ming dynasty eight inches long that was worth over one Million dollars, his trust Humbled me. Another time at the Office, while waiting for the Elevator, John entered the Elevator Bank. The up and coming junior Executive’s were all over him, I allowed them all in the next available Elevator, I entered lastly, turned my back to the Group. Suddenly a tap on the Shoulder I looked around  and Gutfreund said  good morning young Man. I felt six inches tall that I didn’t speak first. I was Humbled that he spoke to me and not one of the Ass kissers who licked his Boots. From that  day on whenever I make  eye contact with any one even if it’s a Homeless Derelict I Speak. There are so many Forces out there, makes me  shudder, Love, Karma, Destiny , God’s, to name a few. All I am saying is you may be your own Man, but not your own Being.

PS  one should not wait to be Humbled to develop Humility.




He was a majestic Sea Bird, a natural born Fisherman and Hunter. Why his Mother choose to hatch her eggs in the Branches of a Palm Tree far inland behooves me. Non the less this is where Feathers was born, like any other Suckling in early development he became accustomed to the nourishment Mother provided. So much to the point of dependency, when his time came to leave the Roost and test his graceful Wings. Feathers had developed an attitude that if ma was going to do all this hunting and Fishing for me, why should I even bother to learn how to fly, fish and hunt for myself, if she enjoys pampering me, so be it.


Feathers had developed a welfare mentality, not realizing that what Mother was doing was prepping him for his first Flight and his first Hunt. That is what Mothers do they prep their Kids to do for themselves the things in life they need to survive . He was defiant about leaving the Roost, he didn’t realize that Mother wasn’t always going to be there for him, and the responsibility of fending for himself, and taking his life to the next level was his Job. A lot of people posses the same trait as Feathers, and are defiant about accepting responsibilities. Even the responsibility of fending for themselves, taking on challenges and moving out of the comfort zone.


I once knew a Man who held a Degree in Graphic design. When he graduated the job market was overwhelmed with an overabundance of Graphic designers. After a year or more of pounding the Pavement and filing applications, he threw the Towel in and decided that he would never land a position in his chosen field. He choose to settle for mediocrity, he took many menial jobs so he could eat. He became a Parent along the way, now he was locked in, his dream of seeing his skills come into fruition was now burried in complacency. This Guy had no Tenacity, no continuity or never say never, he was willing to throw away years of learning and dreams to drive Taxi. All because he had developed a bad case of Feathers Mentality of why should I bother. I guess he had never heard the story about the three Miners, who spent their lives mining for Gold, one day they unanimously decided that they were never going to find Gold. They agreed that they were wasting their time.


They sold their Claims, sold their Tools and took jobs as Farm hands. The new owners took possession of the Mine, hammered at the Rocks for three hours  and found one of the richest Vain within three feet of where the original owners decided to quit. Moral, never give up on your Dreams, never develop a Feathers Mentality of complacency.


Getting back to poor dumb Feathers who refused to stand on his own two feet, better yet fly with his own two wings. I could not wait to fly, I started working at fifteen worked straight through HS I can’t explain the immense feeling of self gratification, a fifteen year old bringing money home to supplement a single Mom’s income and dressing better than my Teachers . One stormy day Feathers Mom went out fishing in the Gulf of Mexico, the weather took a turn for the worse, visibility was poor she got lost and never found her way back to the Palm Tree they called Home. Feathers was now in a bind sink or swim, better yet fly or die. He choose neither. He dropped himself down from the Tree in a lush Hedge to feather his falling, beneath the Hedges were a colony of small Lizards, that was easy pickings for him, and that was where he spent the rest of the his life. Instead of feasting on salmon and the likes, he chose easy pickings.

The moral, you can make Chicken Salad out of your Life, or Chicken Shit.


Buried my soul for a moments pleasure

20161214_223211Harry was a beautiful child full of love, full of life. His parents were proud of their accomplishment, producing such a fine specimen of a Godlike creature. His childhood was the perfect picture of a well rounded human. He interacted well with all, Teachers and classmates alike. all that changed when a Demonic Uncle molested him at an early age. The child had smooth features and great bone structures, plaguing for a boy. I guess that is what attracted his uncle’s advances. From that unfortunate encounter, Harry’s soul was enshrined in a catatonic cloud. The traumatic experience encountered at nine years old, destroyed my friend’s life. The sequence of events of self destruction, began at age eleven. With years of repressed guilt, bestowed on him by his Uncle. With feelings of worthlessness and complete lack of self esteem, on the bleakest day of his life, he threw himself off the Market St Bridge. Life has been ungiven to Harry, in ten feet of water he found the only rock within fifty feet. Everyone wrote him off including the Doctors. Six weeks later he made a monkey out of everyone. One day he sat up in bed and ask for water, you would think that he had enough water, while knocked out by the rock. It is absolutely ironic how parents can be oblivious to changes in a child’s life. Preceding the suicide attempt there were cries for help that went unnoticed. There were behavioral changes that went undetected by unobserving parents. If the rock did not rearrange his brain structure, his nemesis continue to plague his life with sociopathical  behavior. He stood five feet ten tall, carried a frame of one hundred and sixty pounds, all mussels and bones. In High School the signs of a lost soul was evident, School work suffered from the propensity of getting stoned ,drinking and fighting, that got him arrested and prison time. I also was molested by a Teacher. Two class mates of mine who were also molested by their brother also my molester. Invited me to their home for dinner, not knowing that I was the lamb I accepted. Unlike Harry I was well developed at fourteen, and possessed great fighting skills. I punched Teachie as he was called so hard in the eye it almost exploded. At that point he released his grip covering his damaged eye. My encounter happened close to a Police Precinct, I passed the precinct did not go in and report it leaving others at risk. Harry’s downslide continued with cocaine abuse and stealing to support it. One day he flipped taking his girlfriend and young son hostage, today his soul rots in a mental institution all for a moments pleasure.