Tag Archives: Self help books on relationships

Drugs-The Final Chapter

I will forever be beating the Drum about Drugs no one should entertain the notion, but for many it is the beginning of a steady decline from reality. A lot of this Blog post have been said before, well here it is again with a twist.

Jimmy Hendricks

In the opening page of the Book called you, you are given life, you grow, you flourish, you learn. All well and good in your life so far. Then one day someone pass you a joint , a pill , a straw or a stem, a needle.  This is the beginning of the end. some of us can sample anything and don’t become compulsive obsessive.  Most of us are C.O. with Food , sex  , speeding, spending  and just about everything,  so why not drugs. The best way to deal with a compulsive disorder is to first do a self analysis. If there’s anything in your life that you do in excess,  or something that you do that is bad for your health, but you still do it, you are in the ranks of the compulsive obsessive. knowing this, you should be the last person to try any Drugs. I have known people who tried highly addictive drugs such as crack and didn’t become a Crack Head by sampling and occasional use. People like that are rare . The average person who tried crack usually pick up a habit within a couple of hits on the Stem, for some it only takes one hit depending on the quality. My motto in life have always been to learn from others mistakes.

 

Janis Joplin

When I was fourteen we moved in an apartment in the multi family home of the Alexander’s, the oldest boy sold Drugs, the sister that followed him had a Coke habit that killed her at thirty six, the sister that followed her was the Mule, being an Airline Stewardess she had access, availability and transportation the World over. Some people are just opportunist, they see a Dollar attached to a string and they still grab at it. When I was twelve and thirteen I used to hang out at jam sessions of budding Artists like Bob Marley, that’s when I started smoking weed, picking up the Roaches of Spliffs, them Boys rolled the Ganja like Cigars, one Roach lasted days. Living with the Alexander’s was my fork in the Road, having huge abundance and didn’t have to pay for it, in HS everybody who smoke weed knew me and wanted to hang with me, I had personality and access to the finest Weed grown around the world. I could have been a big Dealer, I chose not to,

 

Mother always told us if you walk in shit you will stink, if you sleep with Fleas you will itch. I was overexposed at fourteen. Once I went to a party, passed by a Room where six people were on their hands and knees vacuuming the carpet with their noses trying to recover the spilled Coke. I knew right then and there that Coke was not for me. Within a short time thereafter two of my favorite people died of drug overdose. Jimmy Hendricks and  Janis Joplin they were two of my all-time favorites, I took their deaths hard and thanked them for showing me how not to live my life.
Growing up in seventies the most proliferating drug use period in the world, only to be overshadowed by eighteen century China. People were dropping dead like flies all over from bad Heroine. Yet many of my class mate’s dropped out of H.S and life because of their Habits, it’s as if what was going on around them did not register, neighborhood kids and famous Rock Stars dying with their arms still strapped and the needle still embedded in their arms. In H.S the slogan users are loosers surfaced. At seventeen I held a coworker in my arms,  after stumbling out of the Bathroom spitting out Blood and dying before the Ambulance got there.

 

With all that I witnessed before eighteen do you think it’s any wonder that I am writing about living through a nightmare Era that I endured and overcome while many who walked the same streets that I did never lived to be twenty. using Drugs is like writing the final chapter in your life no good ever come of it, even people with great control like my friend the Photographer eventually succumbs, either by losing their craft or their lives. Now here it is forty seven years later and there is a resurgence of bodies in the streets in Massachusetts and elsewhere from People using a strong opioid, Fentanyl is given to cancer patients as a pain killer . Back in the days people who got stoned with anything they could get their hands on were known as Stoneheads, they don’t get stoned for the same reason that recreational users get stoned, but instead to be obliterated and stupified.
Using Drugs as an escape is as cowardly as suicide, coping with life defines who we are, ask any Cancer Survivor.

Stand up Dad- Revisited

What kind of World are we living in, a Man who chose to stand tall in the face of adversity,and raise his Children, after their Mother absconded with another Man. Left to hold the Bag, this man in his prime chose to be a good Father and a great Provider. Most Men would not have embraced the Job of raising two Girls alone. Instead they would relish their status of being single again, and be out sowing what’s left of their wild Oats. Phil did a great job raising his Kids,even affording them a College education. That was not enough for his Kids, they finished their Education and moved back Home with bad attitudes, bad mindedness, and totally unappreciative of the sacrifices he made. Their behavior have been abominable, spoiled rotten grown-up Brats that should be living on their own. They are uncaring of his happiness, evil Souls that shares his Roof, bent on stressing him to the point of Death, so they can inherit all that he has worked for in his Life.

How devious begrudging him of one happy moment in this unforgiving Life. For all that he has done for them, you would think that they would move on with their ill fated lives that awaits them, I say ill fated because I am a firm believer in Karma. Sad to say they have grown Roots in this Man’s Home, it must be the gracious design that keeps these Vampires close to the Roost, I know it’s not Love. He has ejected them more than once with the help of the Law, but they keep coming back, and he keeps taking them back, with the kind heartedness of a Saint. This Man possess a Heart of Gold, and his rewards, they subject him to constant miseries.

His Marriage is on the Rocks from his new Wife’s observations of how they treat him with disrespect, and the repugnant treatment they dish on her. Keeping in mind that these two People have invested so much in their upbringing after their no good Mother abandoned them. They have made it their life’s ambition to wreck this Marriage, I guess they don’t deserve a moment’s happiness. My opinion of this situation is these Girls have a deep rooted haterage for their Mother for abandoning them. Their Dad is the closest reminder, so they shower him with disrespect. Sometimes the truth is right under our noses, but instead of listening to our Minds we listen to our Hearts. If I listened to my mind, more times than not, I would be ahead of the game. Your Hearts will always give you if, ands, or but. These are people who steals your moments of clarity, your peace of Mind and your happiness. Flesh and Blood or not, they need to go their own way, these are conniving selfish people. Sad to say you made them, but you have no control of their Human Souls, of who they choose to be. I once knew a Minister’s son who was wild as they come. I have never set foot in Phil’s Home but I can see it through my Mind’s Eye, sprawling Waterfront and Gracious Style, the Girls would sell theIr Soul’s to control.



If I was in Phil’s predicament, the house that they love so much, that keeps them chained to his feet, the same House that is to become his Tomb. I would put it on the Market so low, it would be sold in one week. I would then take my wife and distance myself from the ones I love, that doesn’t mean my Wife and I any good. Sometimes you have to abandon the ones you love to save your own life. I have done that before and have no regrets, people I gave the Shirt off my Back, and in gratitude they gave their Ass to kiss. Philip need to give his Kids the kiss off so he can live the remainder of his years in tranquility with his wife. At present the House is in such Turmoil, it’s not a happy Home with three Women living under the same Roof. Philip my friend those ar’nt Kids you got there, they are Vampires trying to suck the Life from you, Dying is easy, living is hard. Parenting is the hardest job in the World, you have done a tremendous Job, it’s even harder to turn your Back on your Kids. As the songstress puts it ” take these Chains from my Heart and set me free so I can live my life again “.

Anthony

P.s The Bible says if your right hand offend you cut it off.

Gimme My Freedom

Relationships are like the uncertaininty of the Ocean, Rip tide under currents, drop off of the Ocean floor and Sunami Waves, to wash your Dreams away. You meet someone you been waiting for all your life, they fit the bill, you go steadily for a long time, finally you are Married. You survive each other’s quirky Idiosyncrasies for a lifetime, then all of a sudden the Ocean’s Floor disappear. You are now over your Head in the deep waters of a Relationship. As I have mentioned in an earlier Post, Relationships are for the weakening of the Soul and Spirit also the destruction of the weak. After years of Marriage one Day the Idiot pops out and they wants their Freedom. Not from anything you’ve done or didn’t do. The effect of such abrupt separation leaves a lasting impression on your Psych.


If that is the case how come you started in this relationship not knowing what you are looking for in a relationship. If you wanted to be alone, or the other Person didn’t fit your Dreams why lead someone on in believing that you are trustworthy and deserving of their time. They build their lives around you, even making a Family. When all the time you don’t even know what you are looking for in a relationship, a good provider and Father, a great Wife and Mother, and great Sex all around. Maybe all you are looking for in a relationship is someone to Dress you up and take you out every weekend flashing you like a Diamond, that’s all good, so stay single and live the Players lifestyle. Don’t lead someone on in believing that you are the Marrying kind, when all you see in them is only a Meal Ticket. I once knew a Man who was groomed like a Movie Star, his Women Runway types a guy like that wouldn’t be thinking of his Kids College Fund, but instead run out and buy a Botany 500 Suit to feed his Ego that he’s still got it, yet this is the Man you choose, you and your Kids would never be first in his Life. A guy like that would always be on the lookout for your replacement.


Remind’s me of the story about the Dog with a delicious Bone, saw his own Shadow, chased the shadow of the other Bone, only to return and found his gone. A lot of men Humps everything except the Mailbox, I call it the Dog and his Shadow syndrome, why do these People waste other People’s Lives by getting into Relationships thats bound to be derailed by infidelity.

Adulthood, a time to exercise all you have learned about Life.

All God’s Creatures

Why do Birds suddenly appears whenever you are near, because their senses are of exceptional clarity. They sense love, kindness and hostility, that is why some people are so easily befriended by many lower Species. We are blindfold to these senses, essentially when it comes to relationships. We are basically controlled by emotions and Harmones, which blindfolds our perceptions of all others. Since nine or ten I have been a Nature lover, in those early years my Brother and I spent many hours in the Woods, soaking up the wonders of Nature. We observed many species, mostly Birds some we admire some we captured, wild game like Turkey we would bring our seasoning and roast them in a Fire pit. If given the opportunity to revisit my adolescence I probably would not have returned.

Over the years living in Cities we lost touch with our love for Nature, a great loss for kids living in the Concrete jungle of urban Dwellings. If they don’t visit Zoos, which can’t be compared to a Rare specie that flies right up to you and pearch within three feet of where you are, observing you long enough to where they feel safe enough to land on your shoulder. Many years later while visiting one of my favorite places in the World, a Nature Conclave by the Susquehanna river bank in Pennsylvania. A place where once so pristine the Native American tribe which the River bears their name, dwell strive and frolic in waters of high drinking quality. They Hunt Fish and lived off the Land, a place where many Men lost their lives laying Tracks and Telegraph Poles of imminent Progress, and Settlements now known as Plains, Pocono and Wilkes Barre.

This Place humbles me to the grand Facade, while sitting on a Log admiring the Regalness of the Cardinals, I started imitating their communications in a likewise Whistle. My Whistle must have been effective, they started gathering around me, first within twenty feet, then ten then five and beyond. One landed on my Shoulder. It quickly became very scary because of the intimidating numbers in which they gathered. I sat motionless for ten minutes, the Chirping was deafening, they gathered closer and closer. My mind reflected to the Birds by Alfred Hitchcock, where those Birds attacked People. This was like Dying wide awake, the Landscape was painted with the diversity of color in one Specie. The leaves were overshadowed with a Rainbow of Feathers. Chills engulfed my entire Body with Gratitude and the fear that I was about to be attacked. The ignorant Human, I was presented the greatest Gift to Photograph and Preserve, to embrace the moment of my life, a moment as rare as coming full circle with life, instead I raised my hands to cover my face believing I was about to be attacked, that sudden abrupt gesture chased my Friends away. I have regretted that ignorant gesture for the rest of my life.

P.s. A lesson in life one ignorant gesture and the People you called Friends are gone.

To Die In Obscurity

There’s greatness in all of us, don’t forget that God made Man in his own Image. The problem is most of us never looked,many of us have realized it, but we are sidetracked by a number of things. The biggest derailment comes from procrastination, other factors like lack of ambition, lack of tenacity, pessimism, voices of criticism and denial, keeps many from attaining their goals and realizing their dreams. I have been privileged to have met an Artist of great magnitude who lived in obscurity. I met Curly while working in a menial position, everyone needs to eat, but while existing, you need to stay focused on your Craft never let it slip into obscurity. Curly was extremely gifted with Charcoal, Stencil and Graphics. He told me that he once submitted for review one of the World’s most popular Cartoons, that was plagiarized by an even more famous celebrity.

Not only did they stole his creation, but most importantly his creative spirit. Once you loose the creative spirit, you have lost your zest, without zest everything is just going through the motions. When my Associate kept my commission of a hundred and eighty thousand dollars along with a half a million in startup money, I did not roll over and play dead, I brushed myself off and kept rolling. Curly never overcome the the blow, as the saying goes “stolen water is sweet”. As of date I haven’t seen any of Curley’s Prints anywhere except on my living Room’s Wall, overshadowed by Prints by Van Gogh and Renoir. To overcome one needs to stay focused on your Craft, never let it slip into obscurity, you need to practice every day, it makes perfection, it gives you determination and will.

If you have will and determination, you can make it happen, you will find a way to shine your light on the World, refusing to keep it in the darkness of obscurity. My take on the subject is, it is better to arrive late than not at all. If you cross the finish line in the back of the pack,non the less you were in the Race and finished. A Great Fighter is not determined by the number of Flights won, but by how many times you were knocked down and how many times you got back up. If you throw the Towel in early in the Fight, it shows no character and no Tenacity. If you hang in there long enough you might wear down your opponent and declared the winner. The greatest Fight I have ever seen in my Life, was a Fight between Sugar Ray Leonard and Marvin Hagler. Both Fighter possessed a Pit Bull mentality, refusing to stay down, the Fight was declared Leonard’s, I made Money on the Fight yet felt undeserving. In my mind there were no losers they were both Winners, because of their Tenacity.

My Cousin Constance was an extremely gifted Seamstress, she had Gold in her Fingertips. She Designed and Fabricated Clothes for many Old Money who is who in America. She stood tall with many top Haberdasher in the world, she was Destined to be Great. However she was derailed by a no good Husband, he possessed a defeatist mentality . He was once an extremely Rich Man in Cuba, an elite Cigar Manufacturer, Chateaus Mansions and all. He lost everything when Castro took Power in Cuba and nationalized everything, including all American’s interest. There were a lot of Losers who bounced back, he didn’t. He lost his will and zest. My Cousin made a detrimental mistake, all he did was spend her Money like small change. He never encourage or inspired her to be Great. Instead he encouraged her to be satisfied with her station in Life. How tragic he had the know how that made him a Millionaire and could not or would not pass it on to her. Instead he chose to Live the remaining years of his life as a beaten Sour Grapes, spiteful little Man. Out of Dejectedness he chose to be a Philandering Bisexual picking up the Aids virus, and giving it to her. They Died six months apart. When you inspire to be Great your Associations are everything, the good ones will pull you up, the bad ones will drag you down into obscurity.

Artist Larry Edwards
Still unknown

She Loves Me He Love you Not

20161219_193121What is this thing called Love, is it lust misrepresented, silly emotions, a spiritual bonding, a meeting of the mind body and Soul, or is it just contagious affections. Whatever it is, I am a soldier of Love, an Olympian, with a Torch in my Heart. What did Romeo know that Juliet had not felt, did she not know that without her there be no Romero. I was ten Millie was nine, that Child Professed her Love for me to the heights of impediments. Child Prodigy have always been, is it possible she was a Prodigy of Love, a reincarnation of someone who had carried the Torch. In High School a Girl I Loved but could never be, injured my Heart critically. From there on I went through the motions for a long time. A Girl who Loved a Friend of mine was Impregnated and tossed aside irreverent of her condition and situations at seventeen. Animals in the Wild takes better care of each other than some Humans.

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Same Place and time a Girl I thought I could Love, chooses my Best Friend. In Fisherman’s Lingo, you have keepers and throw backs,he definitely was the latter in all aspects. He was a Player with a Heart of Stone, self centered and unaware of others feelings except his own. Absolutely strange Bedfellows he and I, me I was looking for my soulmate, he was looking for fun. Another Girl in the Circle, Gorgeous to no end, also a Player the two could be twin Leopards with identical spots. They knew each other’s fierce preditory nature and were only cordially teasing to each other. I once told her that she was destined to be a working Girl. John on the other hand stayed steady with Coleen all through High School. Shortly thereafter they got Married and had three children. I guess Love can make a Husband out of even a Player. I stayed single till I was twenty eight, with all the Players I encountered, I was Gun shy figuring that if I met my Soulmate she could be an illusion. However on an uneventful chance meeting, not being on the prowl, I met a single mother of two Boys, in that situation most men become Dates who forget to call letting you know that something of a pressing nature came up and they won’t be able to see you ever.

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I kept the Date and thirty six years later, I am happy I kept the Date. Funny how the Circle of Life revolves, my Mother was a single Mom and Men avoided her with her Baggage of two Boys. She was the most Loving, unselfish and trustworthy person I have ever known. I have seen her gave away her last Dollar to someone in need. I learned that loving giving Spirit’s should be cherished and adored. I was not about to let Laura get away from me because she had Baggage. The World is filled with Players, only out for self gratification.” Sweet dreams are made of these, some of them wants to use you, some of them wants to be used by you”. When it comes to Love, Romance and Relationships, today it seems that it’s all manufactured in Hollywood, nothing is real, it’s all a silhouette except for the Heartbreaks.

Relationships 101

20170227_212127The most important Relationship one could encounter is marriage. Yet as Parents we don’t teach our kids anything about Relationships, the ins and outs of Relationships,trustworthyness Congeniality, confidentiality, appreciation and having someone’s back. When they start dating which is the precursor, the forerunner and treadmill of Marriage, they are green to the Gill about what to look for in the opposite sex other than Sex, which should be the latter. If you have no scruples, no dedication, no principles and no ambition, you are the last person I want to crawl in Bed with. Whereas the Dating game seems to be nothing more than an extended one Night Stand. What is the point of starting a new Relationship when you haven’t a clue of what you are looking for in a relationship. Let’s talk about Social Relationships, being a friend, two Brothers growing up, someone picks a fight with one, he has now baught two for the price of one. Girls growing into Teens, someone spreads gossip, a true friend ignores and strengthens the Relationship.

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On the other hand a so called Friend gets an attitude and end the friendship, over hear say Rumors. It is important to teach them that in a relationship someone has to be the bigger Man. My Mother was the biggest Man I ever known, she would take the blame to keep a relationship strong, to keep the family together. They need to know that bygones are just that, not to dwell on trivialities and let them come between a solid Relationship. If you are good at any of the above resolutions. You are a great candidate for Marriage, because these are the characteristics of a good Partner. A solid Relationship is two am a friend calls telling you they are too Drunk to Drive, you get out of your Bed, go get them bring them home safely possibly saving lives. Someone you have known most of your Life owes you money, instead of asking what’s wrong you break off the Relationship,unknowingly that they are having financial difficulties and are at witts end of throwing themselves off a Bridge. And you are going to end the friendship that could save a life. When being a good friend you could have extended yourself, further avoiding a catastrophe.

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I don’t know if anyone have told you but these are the Backbone of Marriage when Sex become tired lazy and just something to do to keep you from being bored. It doesn’t matter who you choose for your next mate, after the love is gone. If you don’t have Characteristics all you are good for is pleasure. If so you should live in a pleasure Palace. Relationships built by physical dominance by either wears themselves and you out. After a while you Hate each other for not having anything in common.

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From my Mouth after thirty six years.

Solid Relationships make Marriage Work.

It’s very unnerving when your supposedly other is away from you, not knowing what they are capable of, its not all about you. Solid Relationships taught early in life could reduce a lot of Divorces. Respect,Honesty if it kills you. Appreciation, Trust and Loyalty I bellowed Appreciation to my Kids from they were nine. If a Kid don’t learn Appreciation, how are they going to Appreciate a good Mate that puts up with their Idiosyncrasies and shortcomings.

The Windows Of My Soul

20170209_205637I am looking at you looking at me, and all I see is angry Eyes. The things your Eyes wishes me is beyond my deserving. Evidently you don’t know me, the person that I perceive myself to be and asend to be. The person I have evolved into makes me look back at my youthful years, Wondering how did I get to this point. A little voice whispers Mother, she was an educator, a visionary and a Sculpture. She taught me how to Live in all Faucets of life, to be at peace with myself, the community, my mortality and All of Life’s Forces. Her vision of my life is exactly what she had perceived, when I was at my worst and deserving of abandonment. She saw the person I was designed and destined to be. She preached, teached and advocated my life to God when she saw a life bent on oblivion. Far too many Parents give up on their Teens without a fight leaving them stranded in the oceans of Life. After hitting bottom so early in life, they absorb any ill fated advice that comes their way.

My Nemesis

My Nemesis

She Sculptured the Rocks in my Head and dissolved the density with enlightenment of the fact that Jesus laid down his life for our betterment. If I believe the Mythology of Zeus,Apollo and Ulysses, and the touted greatness of Hannibal and Khan, why should I not believe that Jesus could have averted his situation effortlessly. A man without convictions and beliefs is just a hollow chamber, the chambers of my Soul is filled with gratitude. Some find conviction to be stranger than fiction, if you can’t feel and touch it, then keep it. What a hollow place for your soul to dwell. That is what most people don’t see when they peek through my Windows, a person who wants to be one with his Being, empathy for those less fortunate than him in constructing taughts like these. Embracing the Fellowship of Man, not Living on an Island of hate distrust and beguiling. Even with all these great insight, when I look around and see all the evil in Man it leaves me holding on to my beliefs by a thread.

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Non the less I keep holding on to yesteryears when great Souls traveled before,in hope there’s reincarnation and they do return to spread enlightenment. Blissful with gratitude for Life, a fool in your eyes. Well my friend the Lord looks at Babies and Fools. The numerous times my life should have ceased, I have lost count. In the year nineteen ninety two while working for Solomon Brothers, after contributing years of trustworthy employment, I put in for a transfer to one of it’s most prestigious locations. The location I requested was One World Trade Center, my transfer was denied because of antagonistic Superiors. That year I tendered my resignation, cashed in my Portfolio, for all Cash for the self satisfaction of mentally flipping them the Bird. The Tellers at the Bank taught I was crazy exiting the Bank with a Manila Folder filled with Cash, into the Streets of N.Y. As it was I am an impulsive Soul. That was it I said to myself I gave up on New York, tentatively moved to Pennsylvania where I watched on Television the Towers fall. Something I could never explained while watching, Chills engulfed my entire Body knowing that my spirit was in the Building with the ones I loved. Talking about Revelations, when they turned down my request for a transfer, my Mother detected my misery and inquired what was wrong, I told her. Her response, the Lord knows best, everything happens for a reason. Open your eyes and look into my Soul what do you see. Solomon Brothers lost nine hundred Employees, nine o one is my lucky number.

Tamara’s Valentine’s

20161218_115433I Have never met Tamara personally, but my inner Soul tells me she is someone with great Propensity to Love. Love will find you in the most oblivious of places and Time, many times overlooked and ignored. But when the Bug bites you are it. When we look for Love in the wrong place and wrong faces all you find is temporary engagements. Never settle for someone not capable of you loving them. Never settle for just Money.

Many passionate discussions held with Mom was that People were so insecure and untrustworthy and undeserving of one’s Love. I told her that I believed that ninety percent of people are not deserving. Her reply, then it is your Job to seek out the ten percent. Tamara is in the ten percent group, it is for that reason I live and Love, finding the other ten. I did the Club Scene for ten years nothing gained except for others gratification. I didn’t find true love until twenty eight, when all my youthful Friends taught they did and also lost, before I was Married. Remember Tamara he who laugh last laugh’s best. Early in my Marriage my younger days of intemperance carried over into my new Life.

I once woken up to use the Bathroom, still in a Drunken stupor, I saw my reflection in the antique mirror with the antique Lightings, I began fighting my reflection. I trashed it Blood and Glass everywhere, I slept the next twelve hours. When I awoke the Woman had gone to the Store and replace all, and cleaned the place like it never happened. From that day not a word was said about the incident. Now I ask you is that Love? What a Woman! And you wonder why I still Love her thirty six years later. Ain’t Love Grand. Tamara your Mister Right is out there never stop looking, my Philosophy on Love is, if you find love at any Age you are lucky, many die not ever experiencing Love. I can not express the joy of someone Believing and supporting you, even when you are less than your best. The other Love of my life did and rescued me from myself. My Mother saw my potential when I didn’t. Way later in life I am now trying to pick up the pieces, Tamara my friend when I wrote one of my first Blogs, it was your encouragement that made me write the next fifty three, this one is for you Happy Valentine’s day my Dear.

PS. Gladys puts it best, you’re #1 in my Book.

Cowardly Jackals

20161214_082207I don’t care how you slice it or how you dish it out, abuse is abuse. Weather mental, physically, verbal or psychological it’s all the same, sometimes psychological is worse than physical, because it stays with you even in your sleep. Why is it of Human nature to attack the weakest, wounded and most volnuable, in the same way a Lion would encountering a wounded prey ripping into its very Heart and Soul. Human Preditors attack the ones closest to them ripping into the fibers of their being. It tears your soul apart with the hate for their trespassing on you. Joe and Tracy were both Teenage friends of mine, growing up they found each other through our inner circle, got married right out of High School. Didn’t take them long to start a family, within two years they were blessed with two beautiful children. Joe was a good provider and Father, also a one Woman Man, he had only one extra curricula activity. Since High School he had a passion for Karate, he was a natural he advanced to Black Belt easily.

Being a Black Belt his Arms and Legs were subjected to the same rules of Law as a Prize Fighter. A stupid law if you asked me, that means if someone had it in for you and knew your limitations, they could beat you to a pulp and all you could do is cower. Tracy took advantage of the Law, whenever there were any disagreement or exchange of words she would beat this Man in front of the Children with whatever she could get her hands on. The damage caried double indemnity, to his pride and the Children’s shaping of a Father Figure. I can only express my utmost disgust for people who can only express themselves through rage. Tracy would pounce on joe with the fierceness of a Jungle Cat, many times I would see him black and blue, knowing that he was a Black Belt left me confused. My curiosity burrowed into his private life, he confide in me that one day Tracy is going to kill him. Once she got so mad she shoved with such force into the Sheetrock wall he landed in the next door Apartment. I asked him how could he stayed there and take it, he answered I love my Kids.

I have always known that there was something wrong with Tracy over the years. Her demeanor said she may have been abused,she had always projected repressed anger. Never the less many people who were abused overcome, shed their scabs and moved on and leave tragic beginnings behind, as I did. It appears to me Tracy had nurtured whatever Demons that manifested themselves from weather abuse, neglect or molestation, never the less she was someone in need of Psychiatric help, and Joe in need of Refuge. His reluctance to abandon this Marriage from Hell is a common situation in Society where enemies stay together for the Kids sake. The Kids will survive you won’t, the Bible says if your right hand offend you, cut it off.

When I was ten years old I lived next door to a Man who came home every day from work, after stopping at the Bar beat his Wife in the yard and in the House with no Curtains. All this taking on in front of me a curious male child soaking up everything to be learned in life. God has been good to me that I did not absorb that trait,thinking that it was a natural thing to beat your Woman. One thing I learned from that situation is that ninety nine percent of women beaters, are sniveling cowards who only attack the easiest and weakest victims, and would never walked in a Bar and start a fight with the littlest guy in there. Like I have said cowardly Jackals.

Later on in life I met a sixteen years old Boy, who was withdrawn and locked in a Room of mental torture. In a Room of fifty he was alone with his Nemesis. Story told when he was fifteen he killed his Stepfather, stabbing him twenty times. He flipped out after years of watching his Stepfather giving his Mother many horrendous beatings. When I looked in this Boys eyes I see myself in the same Position, if the shoes were on my feet. I have been blessed to be shielded from similar circumstances, where I would have reacted likewise. I guess I will be a Mommas Boy till the day I die. Jim Morrison puts it best ” when the music is over turn out the Lights”. No one should stay and take abuse under no circumstances. I don’t care if I have to live in the Street, but I am gone. Jackals should not go unpunished, if you see abuse and the victims won’t tell, someone should. Forget about the friendship, forget about minding your own business, do tell, because we are our Brothers keeper.