Tag Archives: Parenting

Someone To watch Me

Mothers ! You need to watch your Kids like a Hawk always vigilant, even within them not knowing that you’re watching. My Mother Rest her Soul was a Great Mother she was the eldest girl, with eleven Siblings following her. She was taken out of School at an early age so she could help her Mother care for her Siblings. Then she helped raised her Sibling’s children along with her own three. I would say that she had the experience to teach parenting. without the love and support she gave over the years, my Soul would have been lost to eternity, and I would not be here passing on Parenting Skills learned from her which helped me to raise my Kids. Nonetheless she slipped up with me more times than she felt the Grief. I was the most Rambunctious Child ever Born, she needed Bells and GPS to keep track of me. At two years old I slipped in and out of the Living room without being noticed.  No one saw a two year old drinking to the last drop of whisky from every glass, while they danced.

 

I worked that Room like a Thirsty Hobo. For my weight and age I should have been Dead, I faded in and out, the alcohol level was enough to kill a Frat. It’s a shame twenty people in a Room not noticing a two year old drinking from every glass that was unattended. That was the first of my stomach Pumps. The following year I drank Turpentine, while the Painter soaked his Paintbrushes. You can’t blame the Painter or my Mother, at that age all you had to do was turn your Back on me for five Seconds. Five seconds was all a Child like me needed to put myself in a Life and Death situation. Children between the ages of two to five even up to eight don’t know that they are putting themselves in harm’s way. Their inquisitive nature puts them in harm’s way, after my two early bouts with death,

 

she developed a system to keep me in check. If I left the Room I would hear a loud drawing out of my name, when I answered she would follow with, what are you doing? If I was doing something that I shouldn’t be doing that was my cue to cease and decist before she came into the Room to see if I was lying when I said that I wasn’t doing anything that I shouldn’t be doing. When I miraculously lived to be eight years old, and not killed her from the stress of staying on top of my mischievous tendencies, once again she was running me to the Hospital. This time she was cooking and left the Kitchen for five seconds, that was all the time I needed to be inquisitive as to what was cooking in the Pot. I tipped the Pot over onto my entire lower body giving myself a wicked case of Third Degree Burn.

 

I was not your average Child, looking back I would say I had a Death Wish. As a matter of fact I am positive, because at nine years old, she was in the next Room ironing clothes while I stripped two twelve inch industrial electrical wires, plugged them in and commenced electrecuting myself. Now I ask you what was the poor woman to do, tie a rope around my Wrist and hers to keep me alive. That still would not keep me out of trouble, I probably would have cut the Rope while she slept. The point is little kids are dangerous to themselves, sometimes to the Community at large. Case in point December of 2017 a three years old child playing with matches in the Bronx started a horrible Fire killing several of his Neighbors.

 

Where was his Mother, how can she live with herself knowing that the Tragedy could have been avoided if she did not see him for two minutes and hollar his name asking him where he was and what was he doing.Bronx apartment fire: Child playing with stove caused deadly blaze, officials say. A fire that tore through a Bronx building, killing at least 12 people in one of New York City’s deadliest blazes in decades, was started by a child playing with a stove, fire officials said Friday.5 days ago. These are extreme cases that necessitate you constantly watching your Kids. Every year I read about some four years old loosing their Lives in the family Swimming Pool, or wandering onto City Streets and getting Ran over, or in a congested area wandering off never to be seen again. As I have said before not everyone is cut out for the Job of Parenting. So those of you who takes the Job seriously please go the extra yard and make a nuisance of yourself, they will live to thank you as I thanked my Mother for calling my name till I could hear her voice in my sleep.

Blind Justice

Our Prisons are overcrowded with people serving time for what could be considered nuisance crimes, failure to pay child support, Dui, possession of a controlled substance, possession of a small amount with intent to distribute, shoplifting, petty theft, and so on . Such prisoners instead of being fined and on probation are taking up precious space for hard core offenders who needs to be off the streets. Career Criminals buy their freedom all the time with Criminal lawyers who knows how to work the system. The big disgrace is, the failure of the System to protect defenceless Children from their whacked out parents and the child welfare system nation wide. Every day you read about some poor Child dying in the care of unfit parents. People who should not even be entrusted with the care of Dogs and Cats, yet the child welfare agencies go to these homes and leave Children in visible danger in a House of Horror, to return and find the innocent and defenseless Corpse of one more case that they bungled.

 

 

And the beat goes on. It was sweltering in the bedroom of the Largo Fl. Mobile Home the day a child welfare case manager visited in July. Yet she left 8-month old William Hendrickson IV there with no air-conditioning and in the care of an erratic father, who had been refusing to take his (medication) noticed the word not medicine . Hello, ding dong, is anyone out there paying attention. A Mobile Home without AC is an Oven , a Nut that doesn’t take his medication is a time Bomb, if he can’t take care of himself how is going to care for an Infant. Yet the agency failed to take action. There was still time to save the child when a call was made to the Florida Abuse Hotline later that day. However the Hotline operator mistakenly marked the call as a non-priority case. It wasn’t until the next morning that child protective investigators arrived. By then the infant was not breathing and his two year old sister was severely dehydrated. I once heard a man say that Education makes fools out of people without common sense. Many who holds these Jobs have a Degree in Social Science. A State investigation into the death of the infant found multiple failures on the part of the child welfare system that left the boy in a Room where Police investigating the death recorded temperatures of 109 degrees.

 

 

Are these people mentally deficient leaving an eight months old infant in that Oven, do they have Children, do they have a conscience, do they believe in God or the almighty Dollar. Holding a Job like that just to make a Buck is downright scary, dangerous and criminal. Investigators found the case manager who visited the home one day before the child’s death failed to take needed actions. The abuse hotline operator failed to code an abuse report as immediate which would have sent investigators to the home within four hours. Why four hours, this was a 911 situation, other 911 calls are handled with immediacy aren’t  helpless infants in a situation like this a priority.  The case manager and her supervisor failed on several occasions to escalate the case to the State Attorney’s Office when it was clear their safety plan had broken down out of fear of embarrassment and callousness. The two children had been under the watch of a case manager since January, as a result of ongoing  Drug use and domestic violence between the parents. In an effort to keep the family together, the couple were receiving in home services to improve their parenting skills. That safety plan included random drug testing and three surprise visit a week to the home. You don’t need a PhD to know that the inept Bureaucracy were playing Devils advocate with these children’s lives and that they dropped the Ball. All I can say in conclusion is suffer not the little Children for their’s is the kingdom of God.

P.S. anyone can make Babies, not everyone can be Parents, also not everyone should be put in a position of Trust. May God help the unprotected ones.

The Consultant Parent

 

Helicopters can’t hover forever, and eventually drill sergeants go hoarse. Allow us to introduce an alternative, employed by love and Logic parents, which works well throughout Life. While especially effective with teenagers,  it’s also the attitude parents should have from the time their children are toddlers. We call it the consultant parenting style. As children grow they move from being concrete thinkers to being abstract thinkers when they are teens. Children need thoughtful guidance and firm, enforceable limits. We set those limits based on the safety of the child and how the child’s behavior affects others. Then we must maintain those limits to help children understand that they are responsible for their actions and will suffer reasonable consequences for actions that are inappropriate. However,  while the parents are drawing and holding these limits, it is important for them to continue encouraging their children to think about their behavior and help them feel in control of their actions by giving choices within those limits.

 

This is where the consultant parent comes in. As our children grow into Adolescents, this parenting style becomes even more important. Teens often resent guidelines and rebel at firm limits because they’ve grown to think differently than when they were younger. Because of this important change in cognition, parents must adjust the way they parent to meet the needs of the new thought process taking place in their adolescents. They step back from being the enforcer of limits and let reasonable, real-world consequences do the teaching. They become advisors and counselors more than police officers, allowing their adolescents to make decisions for themselves, and then guide them to successfully navigate the consequences of their decisions. Love and Logic parents avoid the Helicopter and Drill Sergeant mentalities by using consultant style of parenting as early as possible in the child’s life. They ask their children questions and offer choices. Instead of telling their children what to do, they put the burden of decisions making on their Kids shoulders. They establish options within limits. Thus, by the time the children become teens, they are used to making good decisions.

Excerpts -from Parenting with Love and Logic

It’s A Challenge

 

To be a good Parent May be The Challenge of your Life. The Bible says go forth and multiply, some Half Wit Philosopher said your Life is not fulfilled until you have Children.  Not disputing the Bible, but I match with the latter.  Having and raising Children isn’t all that it’s cropped up to be. First of all,  once they come on the screen,  your Life is changed. You can’t go out Drinking and hanging with the Boys every Weekend coming Home in the Am looking through three Eyes, and leaving  the little Woman alone to deal with the miseries, they throw at her, if you could only see yourself through her eyes . No you have to be there to get your share of the loaded Diapers ,  the middle of the night wailing, then they grow to be little People with big attitudes. Woke up one day and find that your Life has changed, or should, you can’t use the vulgarity you are used to spitting. When you think that they are not listening, one day they hit you with something like, ” uncle Tony you’re F*c***g kidding me are you. Four years old with the mouth of yourself. It’s a life changing experience.

 

I would rather own a Race Horse, sometimes they do win and pay for their upkeep.  You can invest a Bushel in a child’s upkeep, upbringing and Education, and they turn out to be Bums, use Drugs and hanging with the Underbellies of Society. So where did you go wrong,  you didn’t, they did, it’s a Crap Shoot. Sometimes you raise Thorobreds and other times strangers. I have met Educated adults who refused to put it to good use, move out and make their own way. Before they  get to that point they make your Life absolutely miserable,  by acting like they are the Parents.  Sometimes they are just Adolescents with big attitudes. By the time they turn  Teenagers, they are ready to give you a good ass whipping.

 

You try to pass on to them the benefits of all you have learned about Life, and they think that you are Stupid, for trying to save them from the disaster of themselves . I am not just talking off the top of my Head. When I was fourteen I was a big Pot Head who drank colt 45. Thank God I kept my intemperance for the Weekend,  and not School hours,  also thank God for a strong willed person I called Mom. As I said before the Challenge is Great. So the next time you think about making Babies,  ask yourself,  am I up to the aftermath.

P.S.  anyone can be a Parent. Not  all can be  good .

Westminster

Some days its a Dog’s life

The way they have those Dogs trained, you have your nerves calling them Dumb Animals. These Dogs have more style and Grace than many of us, walking upright. If the time and effort invested in these Canines, producing such success, why is it not the same with Children. Are you telling me that Humans have learning disabilities in performance of their training, molding and Grooming by their Parents. If you have a Pet and you don’t corral it’s behavior, you let them run wild trashing your House, without scolding and admonishing them all because you Love them. When they get out on the Street they will be Hell to pay. I hate to say it it’s exactly the same with Kids. My Mother once told me a story of a young Man on his way to be Executed, called his Mother to his Cell Door in a whisper, bit her Ear off, telling her that’s for not telling me that I couldn’t get away with Murder. By not structuring their lives and letting them know that there are limitations and consequences, you are raising a nuisance to Society. People who don’t think that their Poop stink, are Rude and Obnoxious, a step further, they think they can commit Murder, they think they can commit Rape with impunity. Don’t take my word, look at all the Rapes in College Dorms, blame it on the Booze, as Jamie says blame it on the aaaaaaaa Alcohol. No I am blaming you the parents. When my Kid came home from College, gets dropped off in front of my House, Barfed his guts out on my sidewalk, I told him the next time he did that his belongings would be next to his Puke. Never drank a Beer before College, extra curricula activity I guess.


Whenever they gets harsh Sentencing, you weep, is it for them, or for you because you didn’t do your Job. Well Rounded out People are a Rare Breed, we all have our faults, abnormal Genes, Idiosyncrasies and big Attitudes, larger than Life egos. But most of us control them so we blend in Society, and not be antisocial. I can not stop beating the Drum about curtailing grown-up activities in front of children. Case in point, a fifteen year old whose Testosterone was so peaked he Raped a day care worker sixty two years his senior. No one can tell me that he was not exposed to sexual activities very early in life. None the less a deranged little Bastard, abusing a senior citizen. As I have mentioned in earlier posts, I was exposed to sex at eleven by a fifteen year old Nymphomaniac, at fourteen manhandled by a Rapist Teacher, bust his Ass and walked away a Virgin.
I survived and lived to be telling you that exposing kids to sex before they can read is bad business. Promiscuity leads to a Dog in Heat, I once observed a Dog in Heat humping a Mail Box, a lot of Men suffer the Mail Box maladies. Kendrick Morris did.

At sixteen years old he committed his second Rape, this time a beautiful young woman, a High School Senior who was getting ready to attend College. I have always believed that Rapists maintained a total disrespect of another Person to force themselves upon others, with the self gratification of dominance. Kendrick possessed all the above, except this time, the attack on this poor Girl the psycho was un leashed. The young Woman now twenty six as of this date have not recovered the ability to walk eat or speak, the beating he gave her was to render her silence. At the first sentencing he got Life, the bleeding Hearts balked he was a minor when he tried to kill the victim. His second sentencing got him sixty years, long enough to become somebody’s Wife. I hope you squeel like a Pig and Bark like a Dog. I guess that’s one Soul that could not have been Saved.

Anthony

Relationships 101

20170227_212127The most important Relationship one could encounter is marriage. Yet as Parents we don’t teach our kids anything about Relationships, the ins and outs of Relationships,trustworthyness Congeniality, confidentiality, appreciation and having someone’s back. When they start dating which is the precursor, the forerunner and treadmill of Marriage, they are green to the Gill about what to look for in the opposite sex other than Sex, which should be the latter. If you have no scruples, no dedication, no principles and no ambition, you are the last person I want to crawl in Bed with. Whereas the Dating game seems to be nothing more than an extended one Night Stand. What is the point of starting a new Relationship when you haven’t a clue of what you are looking for in a relationship. Let’s talk about Social Relationships, being a friend, two Brothers growing up, someone picks a fight with one, he has now baught two for the price of one. Girls growing into Teens, someone spreads gossip, a true friend ignores and strengthens the Relationship.

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On the other hand a so called Friend gets an attitude and end the friendship, over hear say Rumors. It is important to teach them that in a relationship someone has to be the bigger Man. My Mother was the biggest Man I ever known, she would take the blame to keep a relationship strong, to keep the family together. They need to know that bygones are just that, not to dwell on trivialities and let them come between a solid Relationship. If you are good at any of the above resolutions. You are a great candidate for Marriage, because these are the characteristics of a good Partner. A solid Relationship is two am a friend calls telling you they are too Drunk to Drive, you get out of your Bed, go get them bring them home safely possibly saving lives. Someone you have known most of your Life owes you money, instead of asking what’s wrong you break off the Relationship,unknowingly that they are having financial difficulties and are at witts end of throwing themselves off a Bridge. And you are going to end the friendship that could save a life. When being a good friend you could have extended yourself, further avoiding a catastrophe.

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I don’t know if anyone have told you but these are the Backbone of Marriage when Sex become tired lazy and just something to do to keep you from being bored. It doesn’t matter who you choose for your next mate, after the love is gone. If you don’t have Characteristics all you are good for is pleasure. If so you should live in a pleasure Palace. Relationships built by physical dominance by either wears themselves and you out. After a while you Hate each other for not having anything in common.

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From my Mouth after thirty six years.

Solid Relationships make Marriage Work.

It’s very unnerving when your supposedly other is away from you, not knowing what they are capable of, its not all about you. Solid Relationships taught early in life could reduce a lot of Divorces. Respect,Honesty if it kills you. Appreciation, Trust and Loyalty I bellowed Appreciation to my Kids from they were nine. If a Kid don’t learn Appreciation, how are they going to Appreciate a good Mate that puts up with their Idiosyncrasies and shortcomings.

Seen Or Heard

20161213_123722Back in the old days that was the norm, Children should be seen and not heard. That phrase inhibited a lot of self esteem and psychological growth. In today’s society the norm should be Parents should not be seen or heard. Exposing Kids to grown-up life behavior and arguments should be considered child abuse. Things like sexuality Drug use and vulgar language should not be brandish in front of them. My kids have never witnessed our arguments, or overhead us berating, belittling, name calling or outright verbal assault of each other. Number one, we respect each other and the Kids to take part in such negative existence. Without mutual respect we never would have lasted thirty six years. Number two kids are like sponges they absorb everything you put in front of them. I was introduced to sex at eleven years old by an overactive fourteen years old Girl, if you put everything in front of them Monkey see Monkey do.

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Sitting at my friend’s Kitchen table during a debate between Mother and Child, the nine years old boy called his Mother the B word, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Never have I witnessed this kind of behavior from a child to his loving Mother. Do you see the future woman abuser? She asked him why he called her that, he responded Daddy says you are. What I extracted from the conversation was at some point the Mother had told the Kid not to do something, he complained to Dad and he responded dont mind your Mother she is a B…h. My God what horrendous Parenting. Another four years old I knew used the F word frequently copying his Dad. Parents can be the worst influence on Kids. Just about every living Organisms on this Earth can reproduce, Plants, Birds, Animals and Humans. As for the latter it comes with responsibility of nurturing, training and moulding. A great number of us making Babies are oblivious to the huge responsibility ahead, and are irresponsible with the task of parenting.

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Having Children is a life changing experience, if your existence before was reckless and unbecoming of a parent, all that should change for the benefit of the Child. I am not saying that you should go through Religious Transformation. However certain adults behavior should be curtailed in front of Children. As I have said they are like sponges, they absorb their environment, your bad traits, vulgarity bad lifestyle and all. If you have no principles scruples or temperance, neither will they. Plan Parenthood should be of World Wide focus in the same League as Child abuse,Alcoholism,Drug addiction. Having Children in a moment’s pleasure with no game plan of accepting the role of Parenting, is a slap in the face of God’s Decree, go forth and Procreate. Procreation comes with the huge responsibility of care and upbringing. By not accepting the responsibility, all you are doing is littering the world.

Stand-Up-Dad

Making Babies and running off is an awful trait associated with Men, just about animalistic if you ask me. Bad enough when Men do it, but when a Woman meets a Man and run off leaving two young Daughters, that is despicable,I don’t care how good looking or Rich he is, I don’t even care if your marriage is horrendous. Your first priority is your Children. No matter what the circumstances are, your new Man don’t want Kids or your Husband is undeserving of you, first and foremost you are a Mother. Mothers are a special Breed, their propensity to Love care and nurture is unyielding. My Mother was incredible at the art of Motherhood, raising two Boys by herself, she was Mother and Father, a good provider, Teacher and Mentor. Struggling with two Boys, she once met a Man who professed his love for her, a Doctor by profession. He wanted to marry her, with one catch, he wanted her to put her sixteen and nineteen years old out of the House. I guess he feared that if he turned out to be Mr Hyde we would beat him silly, that request enraged her, she sent him packing. Now that’s A good Mother.

 

Philip was married for twelve years, came home one day and his wife was gone, leaving two young Daughters behind, to raise by himself. Being a stand up Dad, he embraced the challenge boldly. Children can be heartless people, the way they challenge disobey and disrespect us when we are trying our best. My only satisfaction I get from them being Brats, is knowing that their day will come when their own Kids will do the same to them.Philip’s Kids were brutal, they put him through the grinder with their attitude. They acted as if he was the one who ran their Mother off, when it was her own harmones that made her run off leaving them behind. He did his best as Mr Mom, putting his own life on hold for a long time. Making sure that he brought the right Woman home, to fill the void left by the self centered one who ran off abandoning her Family. One day he met a Librarian and decided to marry her, it is never a good idea to raise Girls alone. Girls need the female influence of a Mother, even just for rounding out. Needless to say the Girls did not welcome her with open arms. They were Vociferous and openly challenging and disrespectful. Disapproval was high, they did not care if she was Queen Elizabeth. She was not theIr no good Mother who they were too blind to disown and reciprocatingly abandoned. The years progressed with little tranquility, one day through the act of God or goodwill by the new Mom,they came around and acknowledged that she is more deserving of their respect love and appreciation, than the one who gave them Birth. I guess the Lord do work in mysterious ways.

 

 

 

I Am

We are not always  going to be there to think for our kids in more ways than one. Also you shouldn’t have to think for your kids after a while, they are individuals and should develop into individual thinkers as early as possible. This process should be encouraged and taught early in life. When they are Babies and they tell you they don’t feel good don’t go telling them you look fine to me. Drifting off to when I worked in a Nursing Home a Resident and good friend of mine, told me that she wasn’t feeling well, I reported it to the Nursing Station. The Assistant Nursing Director was there, she responded to the Room felt Liz Forehead told her she looks fine. Within two hours Liz was dead.

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Now  that was the extreme, but when your Kids tell you they are cold, don’t tell them it is eighty degrees in here. They tell you they don’t like a particular food, don’t  tell them it is your favorite food and it’s good for you. As I have said, they should be taught to be individual thinkers. By you always thinking for them, you are telling them that they don’t have a mind of their own. You are subliminally cultivating that taught in them. They get to be adolescents and Teens, after years of you thinking for them, now they have friends and Peers thinking for them. Absolute disaster in the making. Their friend is a Shoplifter and encourages them to do the same. Not having a mind of their own they go along with the Program. A friend hands them a Joint, not ever having to formulate an opinion they take a hit opening a new World of being Stupifide. When my Kids were Teens I gave them all the opportunity in the world to be their own Person, if they wanted to go to School in December wearing T- Shirts and Shorts, they are the only one coming down with the sniffles and Cough. If they wanted to hang out after School instead of coming Home and do their Chores and Homework, they would be the ones without a Cable Adapter and no allowance. After a while they get the message that you are giving them all the rope in order for them to develop into rational and responsible Thinkers, while the price is cheap.

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Not allowed to be individual thinkers they are all grown-up and the price becomes so expensive they could loose their lives, their Freedom, their money and even a Spouse. I have known many Men in theIr forties and fifties that weren’t able to choose a Mate or the best Candidate for President. Giving them the opportunity to make their own mistakes early in life, gives them the opportunity to be as stupid and irrational as they want to be when the price is cheap and they can bounce back on a Trampoline. Later on in life there’s nothing to bounce back from except hard ground, how logical a choice, Trampoline or hard Life. My  Boys are now Men who survived Public Schools in NY by being individual thinkers. They told us the peer pressure around them about Sex and Drugs were unbelievable in Springfield Gardens High School. We did not pick them up after School or spied on them, because by the time they got to HS, they were already individual thinkers able to make their own decisions and choices. They were more fortunate than many of their Classmates who weren’t given the opportunity early in life to make their own mistakes while the price was cheap, now they are paying an enormous  price as Adults.

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Jasoul

It is so refreshing when the things that you write about allows you to see the finished product. As I have mentioned in earlier pots I was a Mother’s Nightmare. At two years old I drank enough Booze to kill an adult, within two years later drank Turpentine, Paint thinner and other Solvents. Always getting into life and death situations all the way to fourteen. When I was fourteen I wanted to be a Hoodlum. My Mother made a full time job out of my tumultuous young life to mold a World Class Citizen out me. That is why my cup overflows when I meet a child like Jasoul. Totally in sync with her Parents teachings, moulding and hard work to make her into a World Class Citizens. My Mother did just that for me and so did Jasoul’s parents.

I met her while vacationing with her Parents  at the Resort that I work. We hit it off within forty five minutes of conversing with her Parents. Well Heeled she was, way more matured than her tender age. When she wanted to interact in the conversation she waited for a break, never talking over anyone as most eight year old often do. Other kids around her ran themselves ragged trashing the place creating havoc, not her, behavior like that is no put on, that’s how it is at Home and extended in public. As I have preached it is never too young to teach responsibility and good behavior. Jasoul you are Awesome, and so are your Parents. Their hard work permeates through you. We exchanged gifts daily, she always had a minute to show cordiality and felicitations , not just because it was Christmas. I Posses the gift of reading People , I can spot insincerity from a mile. This was the genuine article. I have learned that one should follow their Heart. My Heart tells me she is going to evolve into a World Class Citizens of great proportion. Jasoul my friend don’t ever change except for the better. Again you are Awesome , I could not be any more proud and fortunate to have met you and had the opportunity to tell the world about Jasoul. Thank you young Lady for Befriending me.