Tag Archives: How to books on parenting

Mannered

 

If a child is led to be disrespectful of what you ask and say, believing that they are indisputable and unreproachable.  Through whatever means that they hold your trust, it’s  unbecoming of a rounded out individual. They have rough edges, that should be professionally addressed. By you looking away in helpless disbelief, only feed strength to a person with no fear. They will test you to your limits. And , when they are done with you, they turn to Society.

 

Being mannered is a reverent and humbling  feeling, that if you were able to save the world, there is still something, someone or some greater force , to say the least, listen to you, and believing that laws are just  that. When I was fourteen my Mother found my ounce of Marijuana while washing my clothes. This was the first time I was mannered. That woman flushed my ounce of Marijuana and dares  me to tell her what I was looking for. I was humbled to see someone who was well within their rights of exploding like a stick of Dynamite, choose to be the Bigger Man. She had not once in our lifetime ever asked me what a fourteen year old was doing with having and smoking marijuana. what she did was, she counseled me about the way that I was living my life, of the dangers, the  health effects and the consequences. She spoke to me like a Priest and a Drug Counselor. The civilized treatment made me absolutely crazy asking myself why don’t she explode. That is super parenting, for a single mother raising two teenage boys in NYC, let’s call that Dr Mom.

When I was sixteen, going to a party she told me what time to be back in the house, being who I was, my inner demons spoke to me they said she is not taking to you. Stumbling home at pre-dawn, just about morning, shit faced and all, she ambushed me behind the door with a Broomstick, dropped me to my knees, but guess what I did not jumped up and punch her , even though  someone I know could kill, I would have been stupid to disrespect someone who could kill you with kindness. That is mannered. If you can’t manner a child by either fear or logically reasoning , that person will not be afraid of laws. When I was ten I witnessed a man getting knocked down, got up told his assailant to wait right here, returned with a Machete tucked away, asked him try and hit him again, the fool swung. From that day on he was known as Lefty, that’s street mannering, street justice, What it feels like to sing the Blues.

 

 

When I met Mark Harshberger, while working for him as a contractor. Early in our relationship he told me his life insurance was six figures. A state wrestling champion, with 100 Guns. He was afraid of no one, I hope at least GOD. During a small altercation at work for getting too close to his new truck, he offered me six from a forty-five. Hello. Somewhat of an agnostic nature I would say. He was abusive to the workforce, there is no doubt in my mind that He took some of that bodaciousness home. Once we were doing interior demolition on a College Dorm to remove the hazardous building materials, he had abused us so badly for the duration of the project, on the last day of finalizing the project. The Crew of twelve, Mutined, twenty five Dollars per hour and no one showed up for work. He was fearless and un-reproachable. He could shoot as well as his wife Marybeth, who have hit Bullseye at 2000 feet, and beyond.  One fateful day Mark and Marybeth were in Canada hunting with some of their finest Telescopic  equipped Rifles. At this point in his Life he was covered close to three quarters of a million . Sharp-Shooter Marybeth Shot and killed  Mark stating that she taught she shot a Bear in the twilight dusk. While back Home she was setting up House with Mark’s Brother. Murder by Death or death by Murder, you call it. Regardless! Mark was Mannered by Marybeth.

 

PS. we should not wait for someone else to have to manner up our kids.

 

WikipediaMary Beth Harshbarger

Mary Beth Harshbarger (born February 19, 1965) is an American woman who rose to media attention when she accidentally shot her husband, Mark Harshbarger, during a hunting trip in Newfoundland, Canada, thinking he was a bear. She was charged with “criminal negligence causing death” and found not guilty.

Mary Beth Harshbarger
Shooting incidentEdit

On September 14, 2006, Mary Beth, her husband Mark and their two young children, and Mark’s brother Barry Harshbarger, were on a hunting trip outside of Buchans Junction, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada. The facts of the case state that Mary Beth was sitting in the back of a Chevy pickup truck with her children, armed with a rifle, on a logging road late in the day.[1] She waited with her children while Mark and a local hunting guide walked through the nearby spruce woods in the hopes of flushing out a black bear.[1] Barry was at a hunting blind elsewhere in the woods.[1]

Mark began to walk back toward the truck with the guide, the guide stopping to urinate in the woods.[1] At this point Mark walked towards the van, ahead of the guide, in dark clothing without an orange hunting hat or vest to improve his visibility.[1] At 7:55 pm (NT) as he emerged from the woods, Mary Beth told police that she saw a dark shape that she believed was a black bear, and fired using her rifle.[1] What she shot was not a black bear however, but was instead her husband Mark.[1]When he was shot, Mark Harshbarger was approximately 200 feet from the truck in which his wife Mary Beth and two children were seated.[2] In recounting the incident to Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) officers at the lodge where they were staying immediately after the shooting, Mary Beth said she had looked through the scope twice to make sure what she was seeing really was a bear.[3] She insisted that she had not seen the blue of Mark Harshbarger’s pants, but instead seen the black of a bear.[3]

According to Dr. Nash Denic, the St. John’s, Newfoundland pathologist who autopsied him, Mark Harshberger died of one gunshot wound to the abdomen.[3] Dr. Denic revealed during Mary Beth Harshberger’s trial that Mark would most likely have been leaning over when he was shot .

PS. working for Mark, I found him to be a Tyrant and a Slave driver, very ill-mannered with the Workforce. Regardless no one deserved to be taken out like that, by a Sharp-Shooter who could hit a Bullseye at 2000 feet, my question is, why would you shoot at something 50 yards away not sure what it was being a professional Hunter. If every Hunter in the woods fired at everything that moved, there would be Bodies stacked in a mountain.

PPS. Did I mention that there are too many Guns in the wrong hands in this Country .

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As It’s Bent

 There is no way, no how you can lead me to the contrary,  that as a twig is bent so shall it grow. There is always the possibility of aberration.If you have never said no to your kids, more times in your favor than theirs, the battle is lost. you have failed them by not teaching them that there are boundaries, limitations and consequences to the role they play in Society. A child who encircle himself in self-centerednes cannot grow into a world class citizen, being irreverent of others right’s, feelings and the limits to which you can trespass. Dealing with early tantrums and fits of rage can save you and Society a lot of future grief and headaches. Case in point. A child shows signs of mal-adjustment, yet you ignore and do nothing to correct, years later now a teenager his fallacies have only grown, he is now showing signs of an introvert. yet that don’t mean anything to you, making Guns accessible, adding salt to the wound, you take him to the Target Range and teach him precision. One fateful day he shoots you dead and move on to Kindergarten School and kills twenty three Babies. To some parents recognizing the signs, are like trying to convince a drunk that he is a drunk. Some of us slip through the cracks early in life, it is for us as parents to teach kids the facts of life early on. There will never be another Baby Jesus, yet he was rounded out beyond anyone of us could aspire, so why would we allow our kids to grow up thinking that they’re above our laws, society ‘s laws and the laws of God.
 
Laws are the Fabric that keeps Society from unraveling. we have to lay out limits and boundaries early in life. I have known parents who allowed their kids to ride rough over them since two years old, after many years of never saying no, the consequences were devastating. You see it every day in the News, your neighbors, people you know and famous people like Aaron Hernandez and many others committing Murder. All because no one took the time to tell them that there are boundaries, limitations and consequences. It takes me one hour each way every day to commute, semi-rural is where I chose to live. Today I woke to the news that one of my neighbors two and a half miles away, committed murder for the third time. not only did his parents failed but so did society. The lessons of limitations , boundaries and consequences were never taught.
 I don’t care what the Phd’ s say this is a classic case study of depraved Human indifference, and the Parole board and his parents should be in prison for unleashing this monster on society. Continue reading the supporting story and judge for yourself.
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‘I just have a hard time being rejected,’ says two-time killer accused in third death

HOLIDAY — Warren Birkbeck went to prison in 2000 for slashing his estranged wife’s throat in a New Hampshire condo. Decades earlier, authorities say, he was convicted of manslaughter in Massachusetts.

Now, two years after his release from prison, the 71-year-old man is accused of killing a third person, this time in Pasco County.

Birkbeck was booked on a charge of premeditated murder Wednesday after telling deputies that he stabbed a female roommate three to four times in the chest. He explained that he was in love with the victim, 42-year-old Denise Cook, but that she didn’t feel the same way.

“I just have a hard time being rejected,” he said, according to the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office.

The attack happened just after 3 a.m. Wednesday in a home on Trask Drive in Holiday that was shared by three unrelated adults.

Cook died at the scene. Birkbeck was held without bail at the Pasco County Jail. He was still on probation from the New Hampshire killing, which, after a plea agreement, produced his second manslaughter conviction.

“There’s no other way to say this: He’s a killer,” Pasco County Sheriff Chris Nocco said at a news conference, where he listed Birkbeck’s past convictions. “He has a history of killing people.”

An Associated Press report from 2000 details the New Hampshire stabbing. The circumstances of the Massachusetts conviction were not immediately available.

Birkbeck moved to Florida two years ago after his release from prison to live with his sister, also on Trask Drive.

After his sister died, neighbor Lillian Meyer, 85, took him in, the sheriff said. The church organist, known for her willingness to help others, also took in Cook. A friend said the two women attended church together.

Birkbeck has been under the supervision of the Florida Department of Corrections since Oct. 14, 2015, state records show. He has checked into his local probation office monthly since then, according to agency press secretary Ashley Cook, who called the event “tragic.”

She said he last met with a DOC officer on July 12, and that an officer had previously visited the residence unannounced.

Holiday neighbor April Sullivan, 42, said this is the first she’s learning about Birkbeck’s past.

“I’ve never seen a parole officer pull up in front of that house,” she said. “Who’s watching him?”

The neighbor said she felt uncomfortable around Birkbeck. Something felt off the few times he would stop to chat or try to give her bags of old clothes.

Now she wants to know why others who knew Birkbeck’s past didn’t seem more concerned.

“This is a system failure issue,” she said.

Neil LaRose, a longtime friend of the victim, said he knew about Birkbeck’s New Hampshire manslaughter conviction but not the one in Massachusetts.

He visited the home in Holiday often and said in recent weeks Birkbeck showed signs of mental health issues that should have been addressed.

“I truly don’t believe they kept tabs on him enough,” LaRose.

Under terms of his release, Birkbeck had been ordered to participate in a substance abuse program, avoid alcohol and obtain mental health counseling, among other restrictions. He was also barred from unsupervised contact with children.

Aside from a criminal registration in February of this year, he had no recent criminal history in Florida, state records show.

Deputies said Wednesday’s incident began after Birkbeck overheard Cook talking to a man on the phone. He entered her bedroom to confront her. She screamed at him to get out.

Birkbeck left the room, went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and returned, the Sheriff’s Office reported.

Afterward, he entered the older woman’s room and told her he had just stabbed Cook and that he believed she was dead.

They called 911 together — the 85-year-old organist and the man now accused of murder.

Birkbeck got on the phone and described his actions, the Sheriff’s Office said. He said in an interview with deputies that he “just flipped out.”

Cook was a mother of three, though her children did not live with her.

Her friend LaRose said meeting Meyer was a turning point in Cook’s life, after a rough stretch.

“She’s been down on her luck,” LaRose said.

The women had known each other for at least a year. With Meyer’s help, Cook rediscovered her faith in God, LaRose said.

“Denise and I used to call her [Meyer] our angel,” LaRose said.

LaRose recalled years long ago when Cooke was “super mom” of her Clearwater neighborhood. Cook would host pool parties and deck out her house in thousands of Christmas lights, reflecting a personality that was always cheerful, smiling and bubbly.

Her kinship with the church organist planted sparks that reminded LaRose of that old self.

The older woman pushed Cook to get her life back on track, he said. Cook was about to start a job as a medical assistant.

None of them considered Birkbeck’s interest in Cook any more dangerous than a crush, LaRose said.

But now he is mourning the loss of a friend who not long ago was sharing optimistic plans for the future.

“It’s just a shock and a major tragedy,” he said.

 

 

nspiring
Sad
Angry

The Consultant Parent

 

Helicopters can’t hover forever, and eventually drill sergeants go hoarse. Allow us to introduce an alternative, employed by love and Logic parents, which works well throughout Life. While especially effective with teenagers,  it’s also the attitude parents should have from the time their children are toddlers. We call it the consultant parenting style. As children grow they move from being concrete thinkers to being abstract thinkers when they are teens. Children need thoughtful guidance and firm, enforceable limits. We set those limits based on the safety of the child and how the child’s behavior affects others. Then we must maintain those limits to help children understand that they are responsible for their actions and will suffer reasonable consequences for actions that are inappropriate. However,  while the parents are drawing and holding these limits, it is important for them to continue encouraging their children to think about their behavior and help them feel in control of their actions by giving choices within those limits.

 

This is where the consultant parent comes in. As our children grow into Adolescents, this parenting style becomes even more important. Teens often resent guidelines and rebel at firm limits because they’ve grown to think differently than when they were younger. Because of this important change in cognition, parents must adjust the way they parent to meet the needs of the new thought process taking place in their adolescents. They step back from being the enforcer of limits and let reasonable, real-world consequences do the teaching. They become advisors and counselors more than police officers, allowing their adolescents to make decisions for themselves, and then guide them to successfully navigate the consequences of their decisions. Love and Logic parents avoid the Helicopter and Drill Sergeant mentalities by using consultant style of parenting as early as possible in the child’s life. They ask their children questions and offer choices. Instead of telling their children what to do, they put the burden of decisions making on their Kids shoulders. They establish options within limits. Thus, by the time the children become teens, they are used to making good decisions.

Excerpts -from Parenting with Love and Logic

It’s A Challenge

 

To be a good Parent May be The Challenge of your Life. The Bible says go forth and multiply, some Half Wit Philosopher said your Life is not fulfilled until you have Children.  Not disputing the Bible, but I match with the latter.  Having and raising Children isn’t all that it’s cropped up to be. First of all,  once they come on the screen,  your Life is changed. You can’t go out Drinking and hanging with the Boys every Weekend coming Home in the Am looking through three Eyes, and leaving  the little Woman alone to deal with the miseries, they throw at her, if you could only see yourself through her eyes . No you have to be there to get your share of the loaded Diapers ,  the middle of the night wailing, then they grow to be little People with big attitudes. Woke up one day and find that your Life has changed, or should, you can’t use the vulgarity you are used to spitting. When you think that they are not listening, one day they hit you with something like, ” uncle Tony you’re F*c***g kidding me are you. Four years old with the mouth of yourself. It’s a life changing experience.

 

I would rather own a Race Horse, sometimes they do win and pay for their upkeep.  You can invest a Bushel in a child’s upkeep, upbringing and Education, and they turn out to be Bums, use Drugs and hanging with the Underbellies of Society. So where did you go wrong,  you didn’t, they did, it’s a Crap Shoot. Sometimes you raise Thorobreds and other times strangers. I have met Educated adults who refused to put it to good use, move out and make their own way. Before they  get to that point they make your Life absolutely miserable,  by acting like they are the Parents.  Sometimes they are just Adolescents with big attitudes. By the time they turn  Teenagers, they are ready to give you a good ass whipping.

 

You try to pass on to them the benefits of all you have learned about Life, and they think that you are Stupid, for trying to save them from the disaster of themselves . I am not just talking off the top of my Head. When I was fourteen I was a big Pot Head who drank colt 45. Thank God I kept my intemperance for the Weekend,  and not School hours,  also thank God for a strong willed person I called Mom. As I said before the Challenge is Great. So the next time you think about making Babies,  ask yourself,  am I up to the aftermath.

P.S.  anyone can be a Parent. Not  all can be  good .

I Would Rather Do it myself

Oftentimes we impede our Kids growth. We put ourselves exactly where we shouldn’t be: in the middle of their problems. Parents who take on their Kid’s problems do them a great disservice. They rob their children of the chance to grow in responsibility, and they actually foster further irresponsible behavior. The greatest gift we can give our children is the knowledge that with God’s help, they can always look first to themselves for the answers to their problems. Kids who develop an attitude that says, I can probably find my own solutions, become survivors. They have an edge in Learning, relating to others, and making their way in the World. That’s because the best solution to any problem lies within the person who owns the problem. When we solve problems for our Kids-the ones they could handle on their own-they’re never quite satisfied. Our solution is never quite good enough.

When we tell our Kids what to do, deep down they say,I can think for myself, so oftentimes they do the exact opposite of what we want them to do. Our anger doesn’t help either. Certainly, it galls us to no end when our kids mess up something in their own Lives. When they lose school-books or bring home failing grades, it’s only natural for us to explode in a living, breathing Fourth of July display. But anytime we explode at Children for what they do to themselves, we only make the problem worse. We give Kids the the message that the actual, logical consequence of messing up is making adults mad. The children gets swept away in the power of their anger rather than learn a lesson from the consequences of their mistakes. When we intrude into our children’s Problems  with anger or rescue mission, we make their problems our problems. Children don’t worry about problems they know are the concern of their Parents. This can be explained partly by the “no sence in both of us worrying about it” syndrome. Kids who deal directly with their own problems are moved to solve them. They know that if they don’t, nobody will. Not their parents not their teachers- nobody. On a subconscious level, they feel much better about themselves when they handle their own problems.

P.s. momma may have Popa may have but God bless the Child that’s got it all together for himself.

Excerpt from-
Parenting with Love and Logic.

P.S. by Anthony.

Buried my soul for a moments pleasure

20161214_223211Harry was a beautiful child full of love, full of life. His parents were proud of their accomplishment, producing such a fine specimen of a Godlike creature. His childhood was the perfect picture of a well rounded human. He interacted well with all, Teachers and classmates alike. all that changed when a Demonic Uncle molested him at an early age. The child had smooth features and great bone structures, plaguing for a boy. I guess that is what attracted his uncle’s advances. From that unfortunate encounter, Harry’s soul was enshrined in a catatonic cloud. The traumatic experience encountered at nine years old, destroyed my friend’s life. The sequence of events of self destruction, began at age eleven. With years of repressed guilt, bestowed on him by his Uncle. With feelings of worthlessness and complete lack of self esteem, on the bleakest day of his life, he threw himself off the Market St Bridge. Life has been ungiven to Harry, in ten feet of water he found the only rock within fifty feet. Everyone wrote him off including the Doctors. Six weeks later he made a monkey out of everyone. One day he sat up in bed and ask for water, you would think that he had enough water, while knocked out by the rock. It is absolutely ironic how parents can be oblivious to changes in a child’s life. Preceding the suicide attempt there were cries for help that went unnoticed. There were behavioral changes that went undetected by unobserving parents. If the rock did not rearrange his brain structure, his nemesis continue to plague his life with sociopathical  behavior. He stood five feet ten tall, carried a frame of one hundred and sixty pounds, all mussels and bones. In High School the signs of a lost soul was evident, School work suffered from the propensity of getting stoned ,drinking and fighting, that got him arrested and prison time. I also was molested by a Teacher. Two class mates of mine who were also molested by their brother also my molester. Invited me to their home for dinner, not knowing that I was the lamb I accepted. Unlike Harry I was well developed at fourteen, and possessed great fighting skills. I punched Teachie as he was called so hard in the eye it almost exploded. At that point he released his grip covering his damaged eye. My encounter happened close to a Police Precinct, I passed the precinct did not go in and report it leaving others at risk. Harry’s downslide continued with cocaine abuse and stealing to support it. One day he flipped taking his girlfriend and young son hostage, today his soul rots in a mental institution all for a moments pleasure.

The Palm Tree

20161213_121807It doesn’t make any difference who you are, Black or White Apple or Orange, you can grow bad seeds.  The key is to recognize bad traits as early as possible and pay attention. Nurture and bend the tree before it grows into a thorny obnoxious plant. One day I picked up six seeds from a Palm tree, I planted them all in the same dirt to germinate. Five of them left outside in the harsh element, I place the last one in my enclosed Porch, in a rainforest environment. That one flourished and grew steadily, the others died. With the proper environment and atmosphere any seed will flourish into a beautiful plant. With a little more shelter this Palm will be ready for the harsh outdoor of life. Environment and exposure is the key to proper development. You can germinate and grow a bad seed through no doing of your own. You need to know who your kids friends are. In High School my mother despised my best friend and did not hide it. It did not matter to me John was my man, we hung in school after school and on the week end. It’s an absolute tragedy how at that age kids think they knows everything, and that their parent’s opinions doesn’t matter.

20161214_223506

 

After High School he almost got me inducted in The Black Panther Party, his father died and left him thirty thousand dollars, which he parlayed into a successful drug business that he tried to get me to operate for him. His High School sweetheart who despised smoking weed he converted her. Years later they married and had three kids, all showing signs of Crack Babies. It’s like Mother was looking through a Crystal Ball. The rotten son I am never gave her the glory. I survived John but his wife and kids did not. The earlier a parent takes interest in their children’s friends, and intercedes the most success can be attained shaping their environment and exposure. You need to know who your kids friends are, invite them over for a day, watch their demeanor, if they are maladjusted rambunctious and out of control. You need to get your child away from that bad seed, it will only contaminate your precious child who will emulate and become maladjusted also. Another approach is you are already nurturing one seed , why not adopt another as a mentoring Gardner. Devote some time, burrow into the child’s mind find out why he is projecting in this manner. Once you have an idea of what is going on inside their mind, consult with a behavioral specialist and get help. This is the job of his parents, but don’t forget we are our brothers keeper. My wife had eight sons though she only birthed two, the other six adopted her even though they had mothers of their own. They were best friends with our two sons, growing up through the turbulent years of adolescence in N.Y.C. In a time and place where souls could be lost through association . All eight children grew up straight and strong. All became professional men, because among them there were no maladjustment to contaminate the rest. How lucky were they that they were all of the same mindset, and connected with each other, in their time of need for support. The boys called her mom when they greeted her. They told her secrets about their lives about their likes and dislikes about their girlfriends, their school work, the peer pressure encountered going to public schools . Alcohol sex and drugs were the big pressures. They also discussed things going on in their immediate family that they did not discussed with their own parents, that’s trust and confidence, key components in a relationship. Bottom line they requested her friendship, and she accepted the job of mentoring gardener.20161213_121807

WORST PARENTS IN THE WORLD

Lord I am asking for redemption for my spiritual adopted family. I have given them names of people you know, and attached my own. Abe- lea is one of your youngest angels, taken away from us through violence. bestowed on her by her brother Kane I. She was only thirteen weeks old. left alone in a car in a place where the seasonal weather temperature is ninety degrees. Left with her brother Kane I six years old, whom have shown tendencies of misalignment in the past. Left unprotected and un supervised by their unfit mother Jezebel- a, the. The ultimate tragedy occurred, when Kane- I unleashed a fierce beating on the thirteen weeks old baby girl, extinguishing the light of her pristine young soul.  Free of sins free of hate a perfect specimen of your creation. that’s why I am designating my little Angel to be Abe-lea , protector and guardian of infant’s souls. This tragedy shines a blinding light on the need for early detection and intervention. It also magnifies the necessities of good parenting. Not every woman who gives birth possesses the quality of a good mother. A great mother stands alone in a crowd. My mother was such never separating the spiritual umbilical cord at birth, linking her soul to mine for life. She knew when I hurt, weather in the room around the corner or around the world. Parents can be the best and the worst influence on kids. A bad family surroundings stays with a young mind forever. The Walton’s family circle is ideal for development, parents having a disagreement should discuss it in a civilized manner, preferably away from the kids. When there is constant fighting among parents, kids go out of their way to be inquisitive. They eavesdrop, they hang on to every words, every tone , every emotion. Those encounters are imbedded in their brains. One day I was in a friend’s basement helping do some work what I overheard , coming from a four year old and a six year old, overwhelmed me with shame. those babies were cursing at each other, like two vulgar adults on a corner in hells kitchen. I alerted my friend I told him what I overheard , he denied it saying not his kids. I pried the door wider so he could hear for himself. He was blown away as I was. wandering where they got this vulgar behavior from. I immediately from where, he and his wife have in the past embarrassed me into leaving their home, because of fierce arguments among themselves. So why is it impossible for the kids to be upstairs in their bedrooms with the door opened, learning how to be verbally abusive to each other. Taking their parent’s baggage with them through the rest of their lives, and  beyond to the next generation. Bottom line one set of bad parents, is all it takes to create generations of maladjusted people. Seven years later the girl now eleven slammed the truck’s door on his fingers. I told him she did it on purpose for the years of abuse to her mother, verbal, mental and physical, he denied. Years later they divorced. M y observation, it is better to have a broken home than a dysfunctional one.