Living Two Lives

20161213_182723It is imperative for Parents to monitor, intercede and mold their children’s lives. However there is a line, they are individuals who needs to make their own decisions and choices. If you overbear early and beyond, you are thinking for them and hampering their development as adults. Alternatively you should be prepping them for adulthood, to be individual thinkers and decision makers. These skills are the fiber of maturity, you wean them from early feeding habits, why wouldn’t you wean them from psychological dependence. What do they do if you die while they are Teenagers who always had you to think and do for them. Not learning these skills and responsibility early in life, they are now thrown in the real world naked of the protection these skills provide, and alone. You have failed them as Parents not teaching them the things they needed to know to live.

There is Beauty within all of us

I have known grown men in their forties who could not formulate an opinion or make an immediate decision. Kids advance when they can think and make decisions for themselves early in life. With these abilities they learn to cope in the real world of adulthood. How many grown ups do you know whose lives are a mess, financially, bad relationships and psychological turmoil. With that being said let’s move on to the Parent who choose to live their children’s life. Aaron always wanted to be a professional Athlete who never made it, so now he is going to push his kid over the cliff, trying to relive his past through his kid. There is a difference in wanting the best for your child and wanting to live their lives. Trying to mold a child in to what he is not or never will be turns into torture for a child. For instance the kid is not a natural at whatever you are molding, athlete or scholar. Joey goes to practice religiously, his heart is not in it, he only does it for his overzealous Dad. He perseveres only to keep Dad from berating and belittling him, with short comings, Dad withholds his affections and adoration. That is horrendous parenting.

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On the other hand a parent that shows no interest in his Child’s athletic interests or any other is just as bad. While working in a Nursing Home I met a man in advance stages of Dementia.His wife told me the tragic story of his youth, when the Yankees scouted him to be a player, offered him a contract to play with the team. The young athlete turned down the offer, not giving himself the chance to find out if he could be another great Yankee. All because his Dad told him if you leave home, a small rural community in N.E. PA, you are no son of mine. What selfish and archaic Parenting. While vegetating in a Nursing Home the quickest way to burrow into the window shades of Dementia was talking Base Ball. How sad. The most rewarding aspect of parenting is to make the transition of total dependency, to independence from being controlled by us to controlling themselves. By not learning to control themselves, they become problems for society and themselves. Not knowing when to stop drinking or other self destructive paths. Being totally dependent on a spouse, they get divorced and they are lost, because they never learned independence. One should never try to live their children’s lives, but teach them to live their own lives.

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