Monthly Archives: July 2017

The Consultant Parent

 

Helicopters can’t hover forever, and eventually drill sergeants go hoarse. Allow us to introduce an alternative, employed by love and Logic parents, which works well throughout Life. While especially effective with teenagers,  it’s also the attitude parents should have from the time their children are toddlers. We call it the consultant parenting style. As children grow they move from being concrete thinkers to being abstract thinkers when they are teens. Children need thoughtful guidance and firm, enforceable limits. We set those limits based on the safety of the child and how the child’s behavior affects others. Then we must maintain those limits to help children understand that they are responsible for their actions and will suffer reasonable consequences for actions that are inappropriate. However,  while the parents are drawing and holding these limits, it is important for them to continue encouraging their children to think about their behavior and help them feel in control of their actions by giving choices within those limits.

 

This is where the consultant parent comes in. As our children grow into Adolescents, this parenting style becomes even more important. Teens often resent guidelines and rebel at firm limits because they’ve grown to think differently than when they were younger. Because of this important change in cognition, parents must adjust the way they parent to meet the needs of the new thought process taking place in their adolescents. They step back from being the enforcer of limits and let reasonable, real-world consequences do the teaching. They become advisors and counselors more than police officers, allowing their adolescents to make decisions for themselves, and then guide them to successfully navigate the consequences of their decisions. Love and Logic parents avoid the Helicopter and Drill Sergeant mentalities by using consultant style of parenting as early as possible in the child’s life. They ask their children questions and offer choices. Instead of telling their children what to do, they put the burden of decisions making on their Kids shoulders. They establish options within limits. Thus, by the time the children become teens, they are used to making good decisions.

Excerpts -from Parenting with Love and Logic

Speed Kills

 

It’s takes me where I want to go. That’s all a Car is supposed to be Transportation,  not a Toy, it’s too dangerous to be operated in a frivolous and callous manner. Keeping your Vehicle in road worthy conditions could mean life or death in an accident situation. When I started driving , Heaps were all I could afford. I went out and bought the Chilton Books on every Heap I drove. I bruised knuckles and more learning how to keep them running, I got good at it, to the point where if my Car broke down, I could get myself back on the Road. So it’s no wonder that today I Drive year to date cars and still think of a thirty thousand dollars vehicle as a heap. Because that is what they become within five years of poor Mentainance. Three months ago my free Mentainance expired, at that point my service manager presented me with a list of things to do, at the tune of eight hundred dollars, plus two hundred for oil change. Once your contact expire, they are waiting for you, and your lack of knowledge.

 

 

I taught to myself, with all my years of working  on Heaps, to work on a Car two years old, with twenty five thousand miles, is an avid do it yourselfers Dream. I went out and bought new automotive tools to do my first oil change, outside of the Mentainance Contact. Jacked up and secured with Jack-stands, I crawled  under. Now I am on my Back, inspecting what  thirty thousand got me. To my surprise, an Engine and a Transmission built from Aluminum, harnessing a Beast that does 175. One thing I know about Aluminum is that they don’t handle heat as well as Steel, also they shatter with impact. Changing the Oil on New Cars is not ment for novices, it’s the way the Factory make sure you take them back to the Dealership for everything. Half an hour later I have saved myself two hundred plus, and learned a lot about the vehicle, and as the result of their inexpensive manufacturing, one should use the utmost of care operating them. The Way they are Built traveling at high speed and making impact could be devastating. As I have said, Transportation and not a fun Toy. Toys and games are for Kids, you silly Wabbit. After the  Oil change it ran better than the day I drove off the Lot. Still not broken in , it does 175, I would be more than Mad to take it up and beyond 100.

It doesn’t have to be like this

 

 

I once knew a Valet who got caught doing in excess of 100 in a 55 mph zone, there are many more like that out there, be wary. Again Transportation is all its supposed to be, even if it has a wet Bar and the kitchen sink. One O-clock in the Afternoon, I am traveling on the Parkway in Queens, I am doing 65 or better in a 55 mph zone. Two Cars racing blew my Doors off both doing better than 100, in thirty seconds they were almost a mile in front of me, simultaneously they both decided to enter my Lane, the middle Lane. They slammed together bouncing off the other, nothing left but littered Roadway, Plastic, Steel and Parts. I miraculously avoided the Carnage by driving on the Grassy shoulder. I didn’t stop, my Stomach wouldn’t let me. Speed Kills more times than not.

They have their fatalities too

 

I always exceede the speed limit by ten miles P.H. to avoid Clutter Driving, everybody doing the same speed limit looking inside each other’s vehicle. Once I have distances myself from the Clutter, I relax my speed. Whenever I am in a clutter situation, I know that I need to be ahead of it, or behind it. Never drive in the middle of clutter, S**t happens. In a clutter driving pattern, you have no out in mishap occurrences, when you are in the middle there is no place to go. A lot of people think that driving is a big Joke, my Childhood friends Gary and Owen  both with brand new Cars, they thought that driving was a joke.  Two seventeen years old and three twenty years old, bouncing from one party to another, having one or two mixed Drinks at each stop. On our way to the last stop, driving on the highway, inebriated and all, the drivers decided to race. I was a passenger in the front,  so my eyes never left the console, the needle went past 110,  when we entered the exit Ramp we were doing 90. We traveled the entire Ramp on two wheels. I was just about sitting in the driver’s lap trying my best not to do anything to distract him, averting him from  flipping the car killing us all.  The Lord do look out for stupid Babies playing with grown-up Toys. He saved my life so I can be here to tell other Fools, Don’t Do It! SPEED KILLS.

Used to be a maserati

The Driver of this Maserati killed himself and his two  young sons.  Was speed a factor?

 

Values

 

Every day it seems there’s another story of the decline in values in our youth in the United States . Drugs are available in even remote Rural schools. Teenage sexually transmitted infections are skyrocketing. In many schools, teachers are more Police officers than they are instructors. A troubling materialism rears its ugly head even among elementary school students. In our Society, proper moral values seem to be taking a pretty good licking. As parents, this disturbing trend brings the cold sweat of responsibility to our Furrowed brows. “I want my Children to have responsible moral values ” we say “but how do I teach them those values?” Parents cannot make their Kids think like they do simply by telling them, “you’ll do it or else.” Demands and threats may yield short-term results, but they don’t mold our Kids minds. They don’t persuade them that we are right. In a real sense, parenting is the transmitting of our values to our Kids. We want our Kids to be honest; we want them to respect others; we want them to know the value of hard work; we want a moral and ethical lifestyle to be as important to them as it is to us.

 

However, there’s bad news and good news in this question of transmitting values. The bad news is that we can’t stroll down the wide and easy  road of lecturing our Kids on the topic. It might have worked for our parents, but the odds of success have radically tipped the other way. The good news, though, is that it is still possible to pass on our values to our Kids, but it’s going to take some taught and effort. Values are passed on to our children in two ways: by what our Kids see and what they experience in relating to us. When our Kids see us being honest, they learn about honesty. When we talk to our Kids with Love and respect, they learn to talk that way with others. We can accelerate our molding effectiveness by engaging in eaves-drop value setting. That means that Mom and Dad talk to each other about their values but within earshot of the Kids. If we want our Kids to learn about honesty, for example, we allow them to overhear us reporting on our genuine acts of honesty. “You know sweetie ” we might say to our spouse, “something interesting happened to me today. At the store, I gave the Clerk a five-dollar bill for a can of pop,and she gave me $14.50 in change. So I gave her back the ten. I could have said nothing and be ten dollars richer, but I feel so much better being honest and doing what’s right.”

 

 

If our Peers tell some off-color and demeaning stories at work, we may say to our spouse, when our Kids can overheard us.” The guys at the Office were telling dirty stories  today in the Lunchroom, but I excused myself and ate Lunch at my desk. It always bothers me to hear stories like that. I feel much better for thinking for myself and walking away.” Kids soak up what they hear when we speak to others. It’s great when what they soak up what  is good, but be advised:  They are sponges for the bad too. Our improper words and actions hit them with the same force. If we have nothing but ridicule for our Bosses and coworkers, our Kids learn that ridicule and sarcasm are an acceptable way to talk. If we cheat at board games or when we play sports with our young Children, then we shouldn’t wring out hands and cry,”why?” when they  get nailed for cheating at school. If our idea of a good time is a La-Z-Boy recliner, a six pack of beer, and an NFL doubleheader, our Kids will get the message that that’s the way grown-ups have fun. All of our wise words to the contrary won’t bluntly the point. The way we influence our Kids values is in the way we treat them. A corollary to the Golden Rule applies here: Kids will do to others as their Parents do to them. Treating our Kids with respect teaches them to go and do likewise. Being fair with our Kids makes them want to be fair to their friends and Teachers. Kids have minds of their own. They want to exert their independence and do their own thinking. They blow off the things that are forced on them and embrace the things they want to believe. If we want to pass our values down to them,  we must present those values in a way our Kids can accept: in our actions and words. Kids’ values comes from what they see and hear. They don’t accept what we try to drive into their heads through Lecturing.

From Parenting with Love and Logic:

Save Driving / Road Rage

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There’s nothing like a long Trip Cross country, to teach you about Traffic Flow and speed control. If city Driving could emulate the above, accidents would drop to an astonishing level. your nerves would love you. Also your fellow Drivers would love you for not cutting them off within inches of calamity,  thus reducing Road Rage. On the  Highways  going Cross Country, most people use their signals, spaces themselves and don’t try to run you off the Road to get to their exit Ramp, further reducing Road Rage. you have been commuting this strip for  twenty years, yet you think you are Cute waiting for the last minute,  the last hundred feet to get in the proper Lane to make your exit, causing major Traffic Jams. Rightfully you should be in the proper Lane at least one Mile before you get to your Exit. The difference between a good Motorist and Piss Poor Driver is I position my Vehicle in the proper Lane two to three miles before my Exit, not worrying about squeezing anyone, putting a wet blanket on the Flames of Road Rage.

 

Driving in Texas was a refreshing Eye Opener for me. Rush hour Driving was a refreshing Breeze, no one in a hurry Driving like a Taxi Driver, or trying to make a Pizza Delivery while it’s still hot. It’s as if there were no Rush hour at five PM. The Traffic Flow and speed control was Fluid, the civility and courtesy was infinite.  In a place where everyone owns a six shooter, there better not be any Road Rage, there would be nothing but Dead Men behind the Wheel. The Civilized Driving I experienced in Texas should spread like a Virus across the country.  All the States that I have traveled in the N.E to the S.E. could take a lesson from Texas. In my neck of the woods, Tampa Florida, Road Rage is the norm. Everyone drive like a Taxi driver or a Ambulance Driver, break neck speeds for one Mile to address the next Stop Light. At the Stop sign no one stops Legally, they usually stop or pump their Brakes beyond the Sign, not before the Sign. Like a Drummer keeps Tempo, they can’t wait to take the Right of Way from you  at a Right on Red intersection. In Rush hour traffic no matter how well you weave Traffic, your E.T.A. is not going to be much better than mine following the Traffic Pattern.

The way many of you drive facilitates Road Rage, cutting people off in tight spaces, not signalling before you make your turn, driving with a B***h attitude like your Daddy built this Road specifically for you.  Still that doesn’t excuse Barbaric behavior behind the wheel, not all bad Drivers drive like a  Jackass intentionally,  some just can’t help themselves, they never took the time to learn, or no one ever took the time to teach them Road Suave. They say that the Lord watch over fools and Babies. But they also say that God bless those who try to help themselves. A Woman driving on the Pennsylvania Turnpike found that out about ten years ago. She inadvertently cut off a Tractor trailer,  the big Moron followed her for miles to extract respect, not taking into consideration that his vehicle weighed twenty eight Tons more than the Sedan she was driving.  The Murderous Driver ran the poor Woman on her way home to her family off the Road into a Tree, killing her instantly.  These are the People you share the Roadways with daily, so the next time you decide to cut someone off in tight quarters ask yourself  do I know the Monster behind the wheel. several years ago High Noon in Greenwich village New York city, a minor Fender bender in Rush hour traffic. The Driver of the Maserati got out of his car, Gun drawn in an execution stance,  shot and killed his fellow Motorist over a five hundred Dollars touch up paint job. Getting behind the wheel is forever a Life and Death situation, so the next time you are about to abandon Civility, think about the two victims of Road Rage among the many others.

 

Related stories.

Man suspected of killing teen because he ‘didn’t want her to merge into traffic’ surrenders to police

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Police arrest suspect in road rage killing
David Desper, 28, has been charged with first- and third-degree murder in the road rage killing of Bianca Nikol Roberson, 18, on June 28. (Reuters)

Police have arrested a Pennsylvania man suspected of fatally shooting an 18-year-old driver in a fit of road rage because, a prosecutor said, he “didn’t want her to merge into a lane of traffic.”

David Desper, 28, is charged with first- and third-degree murder, possession of an instrument of crime and reckless endangering, according to Philadelphia ABC affiliate WPVI. He surrendered to authorities around 2 a.m. Sunday, ending a three-state manhunt.

The shooting occurred during rush hour on Wednesday, as Bianca Nikol Roberson was returning home from a shopping trip for college clothes.

The teen and another driver started to merge into the same lane, “jostling for the position” on Route 100 in West Goshen Township, more than 30 miles from Philadelphia, said Michael Noone, first assistant district attorney for the Chester County District Attorney’s Office. Roberson’s vehicle veered from the roadway and crashed into a tree, police said in a statement.

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But the officers who responded to the crash soon determined that the teen had been shot in the head, police said. She was pronounced dead at the scene. The other driver was nowhere to be found.

NoneDavid Desper. (West Goshen Township Police Department)

“We’re doing everything we can to catch this suspect and bring him to justice,” Noone told The Washington Post on Friday.

West Goshen Township is at the southeastern tip of Pennsylvania, near the border with Delaware and New Jersey, so authorities searched for the suspect — described in initial reports as a white man between 30 and 40 years old in a red pickup truck — in three states.

The truck was last seen exiting Route 202 onto Paoli Pike.

Roberson had graduated from Bayard Rustin High School in West Chester, Pa., and was set to attend Jacksonville University. She had hoped to one day work for the FBI, according to WPVI.

“She was a good girl, honor roll student, looking forward to going to college,” her father, Rodney Roberson, told the news station.

He pleaded with the other driver to help close his daughter’s case.

“If you don’t even think it was your fault, and have a conscience, come forward and give us some closure and explain in your own words what happened,” he said, according to the news station.

While speaking to reporters on Thursday, Chester County District Attorney Tom Hogan also directly addressed the other driver.

“To that man who fired that shot, turn yourself in now,” Hogan said. “Every second you are out there, you are only making this worse for yourself and making this worse for the family.