Category Archives: Family

Positive Communication

Communicating with your Kids can be the greatest learning experience for both of you. Remember a while back I told you that kids do not learn values,  they absorbs your values. It’s the same with teaching. You don’t browbeat them you communicate, as in listening, asking questions, interjecting your thoughts and making requests not demanding and making ultimatums and flying off the deep end. If tantrums develope take control as a good mediatior does barter back and forth like a good mediatior, find a common ground, be the negotiatior. You are trying to have them coming to the table of discussion. Not two people ranting and raving. When it gets to that point nothing is being accomplished except resentment.

There’s always a Solution

When your Kids screw up the worst thing you can do is act harshly and not understandingly, many times they knows immediately that they messed up and wish they could turn back the hands of time. Now that you agree on something would you think it harsh of me to have your gamebox for a week or two. Not like I did when the Boys were thirteen refusing to listen to their Mother’s and my request that the should make it home within an hour or two after school dismissed. Why? nothing good comes from hanging in the streets, this is the voice of experience, at fourteen I was smoking Weed and drinking, we were only concerned for their safety. I bought them expensive 15 speed Bikes, pushed to my limits, with them coming home 5-6 maybe 7. I destroyed the Bikes which I regret to Today. That’s not how you do it Lashing Out.

If I had genuinely Burrow into their reasoning to find Root Cause, I would have known that the Boys had a close knit group among tow or three Boys. Sort of a Think Tank like I had at seventeen. All the Boys were likeminded about standing a cut above the rest. Blind me did not see that our job was done, if I had communicated I would have learned that. The Boys were hanging with the right People, they weren’t smoking Marijuana and drinking as I did at their age. I was so Paranoid about them doing the same things I did at their age, rationality was not in my Vocabulary.

Over the years I developed great trust in them, communicating was easy. Even in everyday life I found that positive Strokes worked way better than being confrontational. My Mother was one that was a master at communicating with positive Strokes, for instance caught me at fourteen with Drugs, she would say ” you don’t want to grow up to be a Bum do you” I would much prefer you growing up to be someone respectable and smart, Drugs are for losers. With an approach like that I would prefer getting smacked than being called an Idiot in a nice way.

Filicide

 

 

When Kids kill their Parents it is called Patricide, Filicide describe a deliberate act of  parents killling their infant child, other than murderous little Critters . Every time I read one of these heinous stories it involves teenage parents shaking, smothering or beating the life out of some poor infant that wouldn’t stop crying. This type of parenting occurs when immature Teenagers who could not wait to grow up and live the  adult life , which comes with responsibility, again that word. My Blogs are crawling with the word Responsibility. Raising two teenage boys by herself, my mother told us that it was a struggle raising us, and she was not about to raise our children.

 

Her advice was, when you are out there feeling your Oats thinking you are a Man, don’t forget to keep your Drawers up. That was the best Sex Talk a mother could have with their teenage sons. considering that at fourteen I thought I was a man. When I was eleven years old a thirteen years old Nymphomaniac introduced me and five other boys to sex, lined up. I wonder what became of  her. Probably fifteen kids with Breast hanging to her waist. Regardless the point is that Kids are crawling in the Sack before they learn to read, I know that to be a fact because I met them in High school, illiterate with big Boobs and spandex, school the farthest from their minds. Yet these same people are dropping kids like litter and when they can’t deal with the stress of an infant crying they shake, smother and bat them around like Rag Dolls.

 

 

They aren’t ready for the Job of parenting and their Parents never had that sex talk with them. I am not talking about the Birds and the Bees, way too late for that, I am talking about the responsibility that goes with having sex at sixteen with no protection. The consequences are monumental, including diseases no education and no skills to make a living to provide for their indiscretions.  When righteous minded people have children they know that basically their lives have stopped. The kids have to eat whether you do or not, they need clothes even if you don’t have, they need care even if you don’t care for yourself. They Cries for no reason, they are like the Boss that you hate, always wet and full of shit, but that’s what crawling in the Sack brings. That one moment of pleasure bring a lifetime of responsibility and neglect of yourself, because they come first in all faucets of your life.

 

 

Immature children having babies don’t know this. When I was seventeen I observed a sixteen years old mother made a bed on the Floor placed her infant child on it and went out dancing on a Saturday night. What did I know at seventeen that I should have called child welfare agencies. These are the same people who shake their babies violently when they cries continuously till they are dead. I wrote about Annie the love child of two eighteen years old Kids,  thirteen years later from being raised by her single mom and the resentment of not being able to see her Dad who she was crazy about.

 

 

Annie was so rebellious and prone to trouble, she was one step away from becoming the ward of the juvenile justice system. That’s what happens when Kids have kids. In my neck of the woods 14, 15 and sixteen years old Kids losing their lives in a fiery crash at 4: 30 am after a night of stealing cars and racing them at speeds exceeding 100. That’s what you get from kids having kids, their Parents who are too busy living their own shoddy lives to know where their 14 year old is at 4:30 Sunday morning. Allowing them to run wild to their deaths at fourteen, is just as bad as shaking them to death at six months old. I am not being judgemental or critical, just angry that we are not having one of the most important conversation with kids. Letting them know that being sexually active comes with a very big price.

Pot luck- Disposed

 

 

Having Children later in life can be a blessing and a burden. It’s a blessing if you’ve been trying for a long time without success. The burden comes when you are so happy that it finally happens, and you treat the child the same way parents of an only child does. Spoiling them rotten and let them walk all over you for eighteen years.  My mother had me at thirty two years old. Despite all advice to abort she gave me life. The consensus was that she was too old which made full term dangerous. She was in the prime of her life socially and otherwise, so I understand the burden I created being a rambunctious child getting into everything and trying to end my life with hijinks starting at two all the way to fourteen. I was a full time job. At this point in my life I look back and regret usurping her life the way I did with constant worries. All in all to the end I made her proud by making her last days the best they could be, with progressive Dementia all the way to full blown.

 

The thing that gets me most about kids are the way in which some of them grow up with a bastard like mentality, makes you wonder did they switched babies in the Hospital. You give them all the love and care, sometimes way past the time that they should still be living off you, and when you grow old and need them they turn their backs on you. Don’t these people know that there’s a God and that he sees all. Ok so you are not in tuned with your spirituality and you are not concerned. Well then my friend let me tell you about a thing called Karma, it’s alive and well, and one day when your world turns upside down with the trimmings of misfortune and old age, don’t ask why me. Penny was a resident in a Nursing Home where I worked, all through her youthful years while she built the family business to a fifty million dollars fortune, she rode the backs of the little people who were the life blood of the business success like a Witch on a Broom and Whip in her hand.

 

 The bad part about  this is that she never shed her Reptilian approach of how she treated people. She used to call the entire Staff Sons of Bitches of Bastards, needn’t I tell you how they reciprocated. One day while sitting in her Wheelchair in the Hallway she had an accident, the entire Hallway stunk to the high Heaven’s. Instead of changing her, the Aid she had just abused with venomous vulgarity wheeled her into her Room and closed the door for her to permeate in her own stench. Can you imagine being worth 50 million and to come to an end like that.

 

Her own children abandoned her. To the end they didn’t even visit her once a month, all the time waiting for her to die so they could spend her money. On the other hand I remembered all my mother had done and instilled in me, I visited her seven days a week, and spoiled her with tasteful food that she never got from the Nursing Home Cooks. I didn’t sit In the room and read a newspaper ignoring her like she was inanimate, I engaged her with meaningful conversation to keep the Dementia at bay. In the end I can only hope that someone remember all the good that I have done in my lifetime, and when I am sitting in a Nursing Home writing blogs once in a while brings me a Whopper.

Pinellas Kids

If you have been following this Web page you would have noticed that it is filled with mentioning my troubled youth. My goal is to inspire change in young people’s lives and to instigate quality parenting not only for people who have good kids who are capable of raising themselves, but for those who have kids who needs more attention like I did. My Mother made a full time job out of turning my life around from wallowing with the underbellies of society, and she succeeded. If she didn’t when I was seventeen and the Neighborhood Dealer approached me with an offer that I did refused and my cousin accepted the street would have won. My cousin became very wealthy, did fifteen years in Prison, along the way he caught five bullets and is now going blind from a disease that he picked up in Prison.

 

 

All parents aren’t cursed with bad ass children but if you do your Job early in their lives, you never have to face the grief my mother did being a good Christian Woman that she was, I went to H.S with a Preacher’s son who was womanizing and abusive. as the saying goes God help those who help themselves. She was in desperate need of his help with me, and he facilitated. Look at the way I turned out, never once arrested, never did one day in Jail, live in a private community that does background check in order for you to live there and well respected by all. I drive expensive cars from earning a honest living, a successful life if you asked me. I take no credit for the way my life turned out. I thank the Lord and you Mom.

 

 

 

That’s why this Blog is dedicated to the kids of Pinellas County. One month ago I posted a Blog titled Dying In the Name of fun three Kids age 14 15 and sixteen lost their lives in a fiery crash while driving in excess of 100 Mph. The County and the general public have been plagued with an epidemic of youthful car thieves, the General consensus is they are bored and it’s all for fun. BS I say to that, back in the my days you steal a Car and straight to the Chop Shop it goes, money in pocket eases the consequence. The Heart of the matter goes to the same reason Kids turn to Gang Life.

 

 

 

They see all the Wealth around them and they develop a defeatist attitude that they are never going to see any of it, so selling Drugs is the only way out. BS again,  when I was twenty one Organized Crime scouted me the same way that the Neighborhood Dealer did, offered me four thousand dollars per week to deliver Heroine to Harlem’ s Bodegas, Record Shops and other locations Killos at a time. My cousin ran Killos from Florida to New York, that’s what made him rich and got him fifteen years in Prison. The difference between the Kids in Pinellas County, my cousin and I was the woman I called Mom. My Aunt was money hungry she instilled her values in her Kids, they all did jail time except for one. The oldest boy had a mind of his own, so did I. I had the power of Reason I chose to be poor and free also to avoid Bullets.

 

 

 

Most of all mother had instilled Christian Values to live by, foundation to build the Life I now live. Another factor that I attribute Pinellas Kids Hi-jinks to, is their Parents, many of them just kids themselves. Also just grown-up kids themselves who were bad ass themselves who are still living bad lives. Kids learn values by watching the way you live your life. St Petersburg Chief of Police plans to visit with the ones who are locked up to find answers to the problem, I say go visit the parents and see where these kids are coming from, the offenders are in the thousand. I’ll give you 10-1 odds some of these homes one parent is incarcerated or should be. This website tells you over and over anyone can make Babies not all can be good Parents or should be Parents, because they have no values themselves so how can you teach what you don’t know.

 

  • Pinellas County Medical Examiners move the body of one of the crash victims into a van at the scene of a fatal vehicle crash Sunday, Aug. 6, 2017 in Palm Harbor. Three boys died in the high-speed crash which occurred along Tampa Road in Palm Harbor. Pinellas Sheriff Bob Gualtieri said the boys had "extremely extensive criminal histories," including serial car thefts like those chronicled in a series of stories recently by the Tampa Bay Times.

 

I was sixteen when my Mother tried  crippling me for coming home five Am drunk and stoned. I have often wondered why she never put me in Juveniles Detention. Years later I realized that she had faith and confidence in me and in her parenting skills. She was Clergy, Cop and Psychologist to me. May God help those lost Souls in Pinellas.

Toby

Toby was born a happy Baby,  some  babies  comes out screaming and kicking all the way to Kindergarten. Not Toby it’s as if he was happy to be here. All that happiness and contentment was about to change for him the day his Dad walked out on his mother. It’s the same old story misery loves company. Toby was the splitting image of his father, that spelled trouble for a child who was to become the recipient of the wrath, from a woman scorned. This is something that have troubled me the better part of my life, someone would have A bug up their Ass about someone or something, and they would take it out on the first person they came in contact with.  For instance  man who hates his job, instead of finding another one he stays at his place of misery while it eats him alive. Comes home to the ones who love him and make their lives a living hell.

 

Josh was a hardworking family man, his children were friends of mine, for the entire ten years I associated with them there was not one day that he came home straight from work and didn’t stop at the Bar. Did he hate his Job or his wife. Toby was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The abuse started with her screaming at him for the most trivial of mishaps. The poor kid’s nerves were shot before he started school with a speech impediment. The stuttering began when she asked him a question and didn’t give him time to collect his thoughts and give an answer. By the time he got to Grade School he was an introvert who spoke only when he was spoken to. Kids are more brutal than Adults, some people posses Tact and try not to hurt other people’s feelings whenever possible. Not Kids, maybe because they don’t know any better or weren’t  taught early.

 

The torture he endured at home began to multiply at school by heartless kids who taunted him about his stuttering. When I was twelve my friend Charles was a gifted student, he stuttered also. I learned to listen and give him all the time in the world to get it out. The other kids in school never messed with him, because they knew that once the stuttering stopped, a point was well made. Not so in Toby’s  case when he didn’t get it out fast enough the crude abandoned woman he called mom would ask him what! are you stupid, the kids were equally brutal, they called him Tu-Tu-B. With years of repressed anger one day he went berserk on one of his tormentors at school. He was now labeled aggressive and antisocial. Isn’t that always the case someone constantly pokes you with a stick one day you take it from them and hit them over the head, now you are the bad one.

 

There’s always a Solution

Toby was poked at home, in the streets and at school someone going Postal was being created. Whenever I hear about someone going crazy and taking up a vantage location high up with enough firearms to start a war killing as many as they can before the cops kill them, I think of Toby and how many more are there waiting to strike. In that case there’s no end in sight, because making other people’s lives a living hell is a national epidemic, at school at work and at home. Today among teenagers we have what’s called the Beat down, as many as eight against one. It appears to me that we are creating these monsters with the lack of humanity and incivility. Cold headedness is the norm,  once having a conversation at work about the Homeless people, a coworker nineteen years old asked me in a snide way,  what would you have us do with them Tony. I said to myself welcome to the future.

Living A Lie

 

The mendacity of thinking that you are better than someone else for whatever reason is nothing short of blind ignorance. For instance you are a blonde blue eyed Hunk whose family manufactured five Dollars Cuban Cigars, went to the finest Schools, had upstairs and downstairs maids. If you go to the Bathroom and wiped your Ass the as I do, dispell the taught that you are better than I am. Better off, yes better Educated yes  more privileged yes. That is the extent of your superiority. Jose R. Was a man with the features of a Greek God, with more money than the average millionaire which is not a bad thing. What was bad about Jose, was that his Parents raised him to believe that he was better than everyone else. All that changed when Fidel Castro took Power in Cuba and nationalized all of America’s interest on the Island.

 

 

Castro was not prejudice, he took away whatever the Rich Cubans had also, including Jose’s Tobacco Plantation and Manufacturing facilities, his Yachts and Mansions. Jose and his family was now penniless and running for their lives. Dylan  puts it best “once upon a time in your Prime you dressed so fine and you throw the Bums a Dime” now Jose was down and out in Beverly hills flat on his back scrounging like the Bums he threw dimes at. My Cousin was a fine Seamstress who designed and fabricated clothes for many of the upper crust in America.  The good hearted soul she was married Jose thinking that she could nurse him back to life. Big mistake, when he was rolling in Dough it covered the ugly little man he was. Now poverty had undressed a Bum. He refused to work and pick himself back up to where he had been. He was now a beaten broken little man whose ambition was left in Cuba. Nonetheless he still possessed his feelings of superiority, while he took handouts from his hardworking wife.

 

 

I know that he still taught he was better than everyone else when Richard Nixon gave a speech on television while he watched and snickered calling him a little piece of shit. I taught to myself if he felt that way about Nixon,  what of me. The world is befuddled thinking  that rich and privileged people are better than us little shits. I have taught of Nixon to be many things, but not in Jose’s view. For that matter no one. But that’s how it is when your parents allowed you to grow up thinking that your shit don’t stink.Raising your kids to think like that poses future problems for them, society and you.  During my lifetime I was fortunate to have met two men whose combined worth was one Billion dollars neither of them made me feel that I was any less than they were . One of them was one of the original owners of Radio Shack, he confide in me that when both of his sons graduated College, he gave them Jobs at the bottom of his Conglomerate to teach values and humility. That’s what Parenting is all about, not giving them office’s next to him on thirtieth floor so that they would  think that they were Royalty and have the same attitude as Jose. Life is short and unpredictable, the same wind that took you up can bring you down. That is why I try to live my life in a manner that God would be proud of me. Don’t forget that he made Man in his own Image. It would be cold of me not to tell you how he ended it all. He chased every skirt in the streets and every tight pants Boys, he contracted Aids and took his wife and his rambunctious attitude with him to the other life  I guess that he found out too late that change is good. May God rest his Soul.

Blind Justice

Our Prisons are overcrowded with people serving time for what could be considered nuisance crimes, failure to pay child support, Dui, possession of a controlled substance, possession of a small amount with intent to distribute, shoplifting, petty theft, and so on . Such prisoners instead of being fined and on probation are taking up precious space for hard core offenders who needs to be off the streets. Career Criminals buy their freedom all the time with Criminal lawyers who knows how to work the system. The big disgrace is, the failure of the System to protect defenceless Children from their whacked out parents and the child welfare system nation wide. Every day you read about some poor Child dying in the care of unfit parents. People who should not even be entrusted with the care of Dogs and Cats, yet the child welfare agencies go to these homes and leave Children in visible danger in a House of Horror, to return and find the innocent and defenseless Corpse of one more case that they bungled.

 

 

And the beat goes on. It was sweltering in the bedroom of the Largo Fl. Mobile Home the day a child welfare case manager visited in July. Yet she left 8-month old William Hendrickson IV there with no air-conditioning and in the care of an erratic father, who had been refusing to take his (medication) noticed the word not medicine . Hello, ding dong, is anyone out there paying attention. A Mobile Home without AC is an Oven , a Nut that doesn’t take his medication is a time Bomb, if he can’t take care of himself how is going to care for an Infant. Yet the agency failed to take action. There was still time to save the child when a call was made to the Florida Abuse Hotline later that day. However the Hotline operator mistakenly marked the call as a non-priority case. It wasn’t until the next morning that child protective investigators arrived. By then the infant was not breathing and his two year old sister was severely dehydrated. I once heard a man say that Education makes fools out of people without common sense. Many who holds these Jobs have a Degree in Social Science. A State investigation into the death of the infant found multiple failures on the part of the child welfare system that left the boy in a Room where Police investigating the death recorded temperatures of 109 degrees.

 

 

Are these people mentally deficient leaving an eight months old infant in that Oven, do they have Children, do they have a conscience, do they believe in God or the almighty Dollar. Holding a Job like that just to make a Buck is downright scary, dangerous and criminal. Investigators found the case manager who visited the home one day before the child’s death failed to take needed actions. The abuse hotline operator failed to code an abuse report as immediate which would have sent investigators to the home within four hours. Why four hours, this was a 911 situation, other 911 calls are handled with immediacy aren’t  helpless infants in a situation like this a priority.  The case manager and her supervisor failed on several occasions to escalate the case to the State Attorney’s Office when it was clear their safety plan had broken down out of fear of embarrassment and callousness. The two children had been under the watch of a case manager since January, as a result of ongoing  Drug use and domestic violence between the parents. In an effort to keep the family together, the couple were receiving in home services to improve their parenting skills. That safety plan included random drug testing and three surprise visit a week to the home. You don’t need a PhD to know that the inept Bureaucracy were playing Devils advocate with these children’s lives and that they dropped the Ball. All I can say in conclusion is suffer not the little Children for their’s is the kingdom of God.

P.S. anyone can make Babies, not everyone can be Parents, also not everyone should be put in a position of Trust. May God help the unprotected ones.

Taking Shape

How they grow up is all up to you

Moulding your children does not mean creating a carbon copy of you. It means shaping, creating structure and adding values to their lives. Being controlling  overbearing and a Dictator robs them of their individuality. No one has the right to deny one’s individualism, not even a parent. Your job is to cultivate them to be the best they can be as an individual thinker. Your ideals can of the greatest Christian teaching, but we all have faults, it’s for us to highlight their shortcomings to them and allowing them to repair themselves. By constantly browbeating and berating, all that does is to create resentment and Rebellion. Don’t forget that God made Man in his own image, look around you and see how many of us walk in his teaching, loving our neighbors and following the other nine Commandments. If he could not bring out the perfection that’s within us . What makes you think that as a Parent we can have success with our Offsprings all the time. Remember that you can lead a mule to the water, making him drink is another story. People will always be who they are. Even though they carry your genes there can be night and day contrast in personality.

 

There’s always a Solution

Don’t forget Freud had a hard time putting it all together, it didn’t come to him overnight, you never know what a mind is going to gravitate toward, good or bad. You can perform Lobotomy on some people and you still aren’t going to change their thinking. Your heroic efforts are noted, but all you can do is show them the way and hope that they gravitate to your teaching. Several weeks ago one of my coworker slept while her fourteen year old was out four am with his friends stealing cars and racing them at speeds exceeding 100 mph. They were part of a click who played Devil’s advocate video recording themselves and Posting it on Social media, three of them died that Sunday morning. I will say it again Lobotomy can’t save some people. If your life has been charted ill- fatefully only the hand of God can alter it’s course. And on the other hand the Lord helps those who help themselves. If you don’t teach them values and put structure in their lives and when they choose to live on the fringes of death and insanity, then the inevitable happens don’t ask why me Lord.

 

 

It goes back to the first two people on earth they chose  to listen to the voice of the Serpent who represented evil, it continued to the the young Farmer who killed his brother out of jealousy  and It never got any better to the point where Jesus had to lay down his Life. All this and you expect me to be amazed at anything that people allows themselves to become. you can invest a lifetime of teaching and Money in a child and they choose to be exactly who they choose to be. When I was fourteen years old, I smoked Marijuana with a twelve year old kid who went to Catholic school he introduced me to the finest Weed grown in every corner of the world. So don’t tell me about Public Schools and Home Environment, his Parents were top of the Heap, upstanding citizens. It’s amazing how both of our lives paralleled, we both could have turned out to be big time Drug Dealers but instead we both grew up straight and strong. What good would it have been if we both became Kingpins, but in the process we lost our Souls. Remember, we are going to be who we want to be, don’t forget that we are individuals, individual thinkers and no one can tell us at fourteen that we are stupid. The only double edge sword in Parenting is when you don’t try to show them the way how to let their lives take shape, when you allow them to run amuck without a Compass, then it’s all on you.