Author Archives: anthony

My Thoughts A Book Of Thoughts

Blogging is a true form of self expression,  unlike making entries in a Diary. It allows you to form an opinion, discuss and review your thoughts on any subject matter. I try to weave my thoughts into a  short story with five hundred plus words. My Blogs are challenging but worth the effort of divulging my life’s experiences to others in need of guidance in the subjects that I write about. Websites crash far too frequently for me to trust valuable information on. I am presently battling my Host for total control of Savingkidssouls.com, writing an ebook is my back up storage. owning the Book is your piece of History in case the Site is ever obliterated by my server who appears to want me to be at their mercy. I am already developing plans for a new website if present relationship can’t be dissolved quickly. Owning my Blogs on Amazon Kindle would be a great way to help developing a bigger and better savingkidssouls.com thanks for your help, this site has been 100% financed by me for your benefit. Contributions are welcome at PayPal.

 

 

My Thoughts: A Book Of Thoughts

 

 

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Bad Driving Habits

When I worked in Construction we had a saying, you could be doing it for fifty years, if you don’t know what you are doing, the years doesn’t matter. So why should driving be different. When we are kids we sit in the middle of the back seat so we see how the driver is operating the vehicle. The learning process begins, if dad is a bad driver we absorb his bad habits thinking that they are cool, ok or acceptable. If you are an apprentice tradesman  and your mentor is someone who cuts corners to stay ahead of schedule when you are on your own you will do the same, until one day the Building you wired burns to the ground. It is the same with driving, if you are used to running red lights one day you will find yourself  embeded under a Tractor trailer if you are used to traveling too fast one day they will have to use the Jaws of Life to get you out of your fine automobile.

 

 

Are you following me bad habits one day will bite you on the ass like your credit score or your attendance record. Case in point John at eighty years old loose his license for accumulating too many speeding  tickets, way later but nonetheless it finally caught up with him, who is going to take him to where he needs to go. Mary lost her’s  for too many Wrecks charged to her reckless driving. All her life she drove top of the line cars and crashed them like they were five hundred dollar heaps like the heaps I drove when I started driving. Only difference is I learned the art of driving by twenty one. In almost fifty years of driving I had one serious crash when I was twenty, that was caused by a bad driver who cut me off within one car length, then took his foot off the gas on an ice slicked road. I learned from that one bad accident, for the next forty eight years, never had another bad crash.

There is nothing unique about my driving skills and habits, I see good drivers out there every day. But I hate to say it, bad drivers outnumber good drivers twenty to one. My one bad accident stayed with me the rest of my life like hitting the re- play button I side -swiped five other vehicles ripped up twenty five yards of guardrail crashing through and nailed in the fast Lane by a car doing sixty five, no brakes applied. Now do you understand why I chose to write about the subject. The Lord kept me here to tell foolish people who think that driving is a joke or a game. Your life and others are in your hand when you get behind the wheel. Ok so you don’t get killed or no one die from your careless driving, have you ever seen what mangled metal do to flesh and bone, it’s not pretty. Why should you wait to be looking at death’s door like I did for you to become a continuous Motorist. Precious left us at nineteen when the driver of the car she was in hit a Light Pole sending her through the Windshield. You can dodge the Bullet for a lifetime one day your bad driving habits will catch up with you or some poor unsuspecting soul. Finally, please do not test the hand of Fate.

Dependency

If you spoil them rotten early in life you will have hell to pay later on in life when you realize that their intentions is to make your generosity their only means of support. Where I work I meet them all, rich kids on spring break with zero values and an attitude that says the world revolves around them. Letting them grow up like that is poor parenting that both you and them will regret later on in life. With no values they have no scruples, no mannerisms and no respect for no one and nothing. In an earlier Blog titled The Root of Evil I mentioned how a spoiled girl who was brought up to worship money, stayed married to her millionaire husband who traumatized her and her Children.

He was a high roller in Vegas who was a sore looser, after returning home from a weekend of losing he would beat her badly breaking Bones and all, the infants would witness the beatings and store the trauma for life, she stayed with him for the Money. Her parents spoiled her rotten, when she started driving they bought her a brand new Cadillac her only value in a Man was what he could do for her. On the other hand I  met a Man who’s worth was in excess of five hundred million dollars when his sons graduated College he started them at the very bottom of his conglomerate. The reason he related to me was to teach them the value of a dollar and humility. Today those boys are running a Billion dollar company and not into the ground with Rock Stars mentality.
There is nothing wrong with lavishing your kids with your generosity as long as you teach values. Today I am walking through the company’s parking lot, one of my coworker driving her parents BMW in a crowded parking lot weaved through the Pedestrians like they were cones, not stopping and give them time to get out of her way. That’s the attitude that I am talking about flaunting that beautiful year to date Heap like it was of greater value and importance than human lives, or they had no right to be in her way. That’s what happens when you let them grow up thinking that it doesn’t stink.

A year ago a spoiled brat who started drinking at an early age with many DUI that his parents made disappear ran into a crowd killing one person.  Sometimes the system facilitates this kind of Bitch attitude that they can get away with murder, which he did serving community service, Giving him a free pass to kill again, or until he kills himself being an alcoholic at eighteen. My kids didn’t drink till they came back from College, they learn that in college also. The point is, eighteen years old and a Drunk always being bailed out by protective parents who spoiled him for eighteen years is bad parenting. Letting them grow up thinking that they’re above the Law and are accountable to no one not even you is not rainising World-class Citizens. Instead you are raising Dependent Bums, without you they could not survive.

To Your Own Self Be Real

 

Pretending can consume an entire life, it started when we are children, we play house she was the momma you were the poppa, you were the bad guy I was the good guy. fine and dandy what else are kids going to do but emulate others, the sad part is it never ends. Now you reach adolescent and the pretense grows into juvenile delinquent because you are pretending that you are cool and you know everything. Still it doesn’t end, a cool teenager who knows everything is dangerous to themselves and others because puberty is coming to an end and pretending to be a man is the ultimate pretense. You can make Babies but a man stands up to his responsibilities and stands by his woman, sometimes to the end.

 Now you are a player you pretend to be someone  trustworthy and caring while you pretend with the concubine that you are serious about them while your eyes are glued on their girlfriends. So far nothing about you is real, you deceive your parents by undermining their wisdom, and those that live lifestyles you should avoid, you emulate pretending to be them.( cats in the cradle, I’m going to be just like you Dad) a deserter and an abuser. Where does the pretending ends, it doesn’t, you pretend to do better than your means hocked to your eyeballs keeping up with the Kardashian pretending to live a picture perfect lifestyle even though you know it’s only Hollywoodlife, make believe. My God will the real you please stand up.

My Nemesis

The rest of your life you continue the Sham that you are better than your fellow man while you pretend to believe in God and is quick to kill to make a point. You profess your Love only to end in deceit, you take a Job to serve the People only to have them serve your pretentious and deceptive ideals. You pretends  to serve God but the Devil is your master  ( many will profess my name) I once knew a Preacher and a Decon who bragged of their conquest among the Congregation. Years ago a church going God fearing man killed his wife and his Minister, I wonder how long he endured the deception before he lost his way. Even since childhood when I was not worthy of being a Christian Woman’s child I never pretended to be an Angel, I left that to the Hypocrites.

 When I grew to be a Man I chose to be Real, I did  unto others and expect likewise, I  commanded respect for who and what I portrayed myself to be. I chose one Woman and over thirty seven years I stayed the course, never once unfaithful. When you tell lies, each time you try to cover your tracks you dig a deeper Hole. After a while the broken hearts, broken mind spirit and souls you put in that hole forms a mound to the high Heaven’s. To survive in a world of deception you need to read more than just print, body language is highly underrated. In High School one of my English Literature Teacher constantly challenged me to tell her what is the Author not saying, she taught me how to live in a deceptive World.

Later on in life I once told my supervisor that I could spot a slacker one mile in the Fog, she didn’t believe me. She got promoted to regional manager and was fired in six months. If you can read body language it becomes your Lighthouse in a storm of deception. Something I read on the subject goes, it is important to understand the role that deception plays in our emotional lives,  because it impedes self understanding and the formation of justified beliefs about ourselves, others and the world as a whole. Deception inhibits our attempt to become more reflective in our understanding, clarifying and evaluating our emotions. Self deception and willful ignorance pose a serious impediment to reflective cognitive affective and conative growth. It also inhibits our attempt to make more reflective evaluations of our institutions, social practices and ideologies that shape and are shaped by our self interpretations. Meaning that deception screws you up and all around you. In the end I say live the life and be proud of what you are.

Filicide

 

 

When Kids kill their Parents it is called Patricide, Filicide describe a deliberate act of  parents killling their infant child, other than murderous little Critters . Every time I read one of these heinous stories it involves teenage parents shaking, smothering or beating the life out of some poor infant that wouldn’t stop crying. This type of parenting occurs when immature Teenagers who could not wait to grow up and live the  adult life , which comes with responsibility, again that word. My Blogs are crawling with the word Responsibility. Raising two teenage boys by herself, my mother told us that it was a struggle raising us, and she was not about to raise our children.

 

Her advice was, when you are out there feeling your Oats thinking you are a Man, don’t forget to keep your Drawers up. That was the best Sex Talk a mother could have with their teenage sons. considering that at fourteen I thought I was a man. When I was eleven years old a thirteen years old Nymphomaniac introduced me and five other boys to sex, lined up. I wonder what became of  her. Probably fifteen kids with Breast hanging to her waist. Regardless the point is that Kids are crawling in the Sack before they learn to read, I know that to be a fact because I met them in High school, illiterate with big Boobs and spandex, school the farthest from their minds. Yet these same people are dropping kids like litter and when they can’t deal with the stress of an infant crying they shake, smother and bat them around like Rag Dolls.

 

 

They aren’t ready for the Job of parenting and their Parents never had that sex talk with them. I am not talking about the Birds and the Bees, way too late for that, I am talking about the responsibility that goes with having sex at sixteen with no protection. The consequences are monumental, including diseases no education and no skills to make a living to provide for their indiscretions.  When righteous minded people have children they know that basically their lives have stopped. The kids have to eat whether you do or not, they need clothes even if you don’t have, they need care even if you don’t care for yourself. They Cries for no reason, they are like the Boss that you hate, always wet and full of shit, but that’s what crawling in the Sack brings. That one moment of pleasure bring a lifetime of responsibility and neglect of yourself, because they come first in all faucets of your life.

 

 

Immature children having babies don’t know this. When I was seventeen I observed a sixteen years old mother made a bed on the Floor placed her infant child on it and went out dancing on a Saturday night. What did I know at seventeen that I should have called child welfare agencies. These are the same people who shake their babies violently when they cries continuously till they are dead. I wrote about Annie the love child of two eighteen years old Kids,  thirteen years later from being raised by her single mom and the resentment of not being able to see her Dad who she was crazy about.

 

 

Annie was so rebellious and prone to trouble, she was one step away from becoming the ward of the juvenile justice system. That’s what happens when Kids have kids. In my neck of the woods 14, 15 and sixteen years old Kids losing their lives in a fiery crash at 4: 30 am after a night of stealing cars and racing them at speeds exceeding 100. That’s what you get from kids having kids, their Parents who are too busy living their own shoddy lives to know where their 14 year old is at 4:30 Sunday morning. Allowing them to run wild to their deaths at fourteen, is just as bad as shaking them to death at six months old. I am not being judgemental or critical, just angry that we are not having one of the most important conversation with kids. Letting them know that being sexually active comes with a very big price.

The Rut

 

Day to Day routine can quickly become a Rut, rudiments give structure, if your routine is structured in a positive and diversified way, you are moving forward. When you are in a rut and the last week or month is a carbon copy of the last, you need to do something different, especially if you are not satisfied with the way your life is going. People who do things the same way all the time looking for different results are looking through rose coloured glass. It’s not going to happen, if you are in a job that all your efforts go un noticed and un rewarded while others less deserving moves forward. You are in a Den of Nepotism.

If you are there for fifty years and your efforts keep moving the company forward all you can expect is Crumbs. You need to break the cycle, the World is full of corruption, why would the workplace be different. When I worked for Solomon Brothers, It was public knowledge that John Gutfreund made 12 million in salaries and another twelve in Bonus. My first year bonus in a low level Position was 8 thousand dollars and John knew who I was and always spoke. This was not a union Job but we all shared the spoils of profit. Not so for the majority of other Companies that I have worked for, one of them made 100 million in profit one year and the spoils were only divvy at the top. Companies like that as long as you are employed you should always be looking to jump Ship. When you are in a rut with Companies like that for twenty five years  they are always  looking to replace you with fresh blood to usurp them the same way that they did you.

People like that aren’t looking out for your best interest, that is your Job. I am not asking for a share of the company or a percentage of the profit, just to be recognized and rewarded accordingly. Sometimes the same situation exist at home, you are neglected, undermined and taken for granted. Great moments and great sex is a distance occurrence, your Dog gets more attention than you. Again you are in a rut, you can’t leave but you can’t stay, I am not a marriage counselor, I can’t tell you what to do but a blind man can tell you that something is wrong. In an earlier Blog titled Stand up Dad Phil raised his two daughters after their mother ran out of their lives with another man, abandoning the family. He went above and beyond in the Job of raising two Girls, put them through College living in a Condo he bought so they didn’t have to live in a Dorm.

 Those girls made his Life a living Hell while growing up, treated him as if he was the one who abandoned them. In gratitude, when they graduated they moved back Home to finish him off with Stress. They disrespected his new Wife with confrontation daily, with one goal in mind, to split them up. They could not bare to see the Will split three ways and the Mansion going to the Wife. I told Phil many times that he should put them out on the Street, he never listened, to the point where his home life caused him his job. I  guess his rut succumbed him. All that I am saying is that there comes a point in every life when change must come, especially when your sanity takes a beating. You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.

The Commute

 

The commute should be one of the best part of your day. Wrapped in Leather and fine upholstery with a Jedi console. A place to collect your thoughts for the day ahead of you or the days recollection. Not the place to get all wound up tense and stressed. Yet for many the commute is the worst part of their daily routine  for twenty five years and more. Why is this when the saying goes the more you do something, the better you get . It works with Sports, music and other art forms , so why not driving.

 

Maybe it’s because no one takes it seriously until their brush with Fate. still with some, several brushes and bruises is not enough . For  instance,  Mark  was a very skillful driver,   but like most skilled drivers,  overconfidence is the enemy. Once he confided to me that he had gone through three Windshields over a period of time. I believe that if I went through one,  I would have become a better driver and not have gone through two more. But being a passenger with Mark driving at eighty Mph through Fog so thick that you could not see twenty feet from the hood of the car, I thought to myself he is lucky to be alive.

 

That’s what overconfidence do to the most mild mannered and sensible people, it makes them dangerous to themselves and others using the roadways. Then there are the show off drivers who always have a point to prove that they are as good or better than anyone else. Those are the worst, they will thread a needle eye at 90 mph to get in front of you just to show you that they are that good or just plain good and stupid. The show off driver is always going too fast and don’t realize that there are others on the roadways that aren’t as skilled and confident as he is. One day from driving the same way for  thirty years, someone makes a mistake and they become the victim of years of carelessness finally catching up with them, shattering lives with broken bodies. 

 

I once knew a man who never had one accident but left many behind him. After forty years of driving I have put all the pieces together and consider myself learnerd. I commute one hour each way daily on a strip of road that sometimes claims lives  daily, weekly and monthly. Yet I have no anxieties, focus and  anticipation puts me in a Jedi frame of mind. Not only do I focus way out front, but by watching the traffic pattern and how they are driving tells me what to expect when I catches up with them. Basically don’t drive like a mindless Drone, but be adept and conscious that whatever that can go wrong, will go wrong. Sometimes it becomes tedious but I am always on the lookout for all the above mentioned drivers, especially the ones who always have the Cell phone in hand. For me driving is more important than the Job I commute to five days a week, my safety and others safety depends on how I drive. 

Breaking Away

Why would someone not want to spend an early afternoon filming Butterflies , and watching someone doing something they have wanted to do in 25 years. Engulfed in making a living can rob life and precious time. In my lifetime I’ve heard many stories of people working all their lives, amassing wealth and dies leaving what they can’t take. In so doing someone else enjoy’s what you never did. That’s  not what life is about. It’s bigger than you and I. If you don’t suck it up it will suck you up. usurp and discard you at will. Twenty-five years  in the same place without breaking away for a Week end, a week or two, will leave you off centered, I have Hiked Trails where only Billy Goats dare.When I lived in Pennsylvania I fished the mighty Susquehanna Riverbank that have risen sixty feet, around bends during floods, I have seen House floating when Rivers angry.

Where I fished there are Telegraph Poles protected from Time and stands today, it seems that Life  had grown around them and forgotten by time. They have scars of spike where people climb and cut the wires  (no wi-fi)to hinder Civilization and Progress. I now live eighteen hundred miles away, but it’s still one of my secret places among many others, That’s just how I see life and living it. My English Literature Teacher told me always seek to find out what the author is not saying. What I am saying is that you have to break the cycle or it will break you. Do I have to spell Vacation. In my neck of the woods Resorts are abundant  and so are   Waterways and Tributaries to loose yourself . People save for half a year to come where I work and Live. Did I make a wise decision to live where I do. Now I am taking the time to tell you about travel and it’s need. Remember Chevi chase family vacation, the family need to Gel sometimes.

 

 

You need to loose yourself, don’t surround yourself with yourself. The way I feel about breaking away, I should be selling vacation travels. Right now I am not connected. But from living and working in Paradise make me much an expert to give my way of travel. Don’t forget that Travel broadens  the Horizon. It might even give you balance. Whatever happens in Paradise make great conversation. I have no idea what kept me from thinking about Travels when my Mother used to come back from Cruise ships with Euphoric description of Elegance one should enjoy before they Died. Three weeks ago I visited the Florida Aquarium in Tampa, all I have to say is it’s a must see on the to do list, remember you only live once.

Pot luck- Disposed

 

 

Having Children later in life can be a blessing and a burden. It’s a blessing if you’ve been trying for a long time without success. The burden comes when you are so happy that it finally happens, and you treat the child the same way parents of an only child does. Spoiling them rotten and let them walk all over you for eighteen years.  My mother had me at thirty two years old. Despite all advice to abort she gave me life. The consensus was that she was too old which made full term dangerous. She was in the prime of her life socially and otherwise, so I understand the burden I created being a rambunctious child getting into everything and trying to end my life with hijinks starting at two all the way to fourteen. I was a full time job. At this point in my life I look back and regret usurping her life the way I did with constant worries. All in all to the end I made her proud by making her last days the best they could be, with progressive Dementia all the way to full blown.

 

The thing that gets me most about kids are the way in which some of them grow up with a bastard like mentality, makes you wonder did they switched babies in the Hospital. You give them all the love and care, sometimes way past the time that they should still be living off you, and when you grow old and need them they turn their backs on you. Don’t these people know that there’s a God and that he sees all. Ok so you are not in tuned with your spirituality and you are not concerned. Well then my friend let me tell you about a thing called Karma, it’s alive and well, and one day when your world turns upside down with the trimmings of misfortune and old age, don’t ask why me. Penny was a resident in a Nursing Home where I worked, all through her youthful years while she built the family business to a fifty million dollars fortune, she rode the backs of the little people who were the life blood of the business success like a Witch on a Broom and Whip in her hand.

 

 The bad part about  this is that she never shed her Reptilian approach of how she treated people. She used to call the entire Staff Sons of Bitches of Bastards, needn’t I tell you how they reciprocated. One day while sitting in her Wheelchair in the Hallway she had an accident, the entire Hallway stunk to the high Heaven’s. Instead of changing her, the Aid she had just abused with venomous vulgarity wheeled her into her Room and closed the door for her to permeate in her own stench. Can you imagine being worth 50 million and to come to an end like that.

 

Her own children abandoned her. To the end they didn’t even visit her once a month, all the time waiting for her to die so they could spend her money. On the other hand I remembered all my mother had done and instilled in me, I visited her seven days a week, and spoiled her with tasteful food that she never got from the Nursing Home Cooks. I didn’t sit In the room and read a newspaper ignoring her like she was inanimate, I engaged her with meaningful conversation to keep the Dementia at bay. In the end I can only hope that someone remember all the good that I have done in my lifetime, and when I am sitting in a Nursing Home writing blogs once in a while brings me a Whopper.

Chasing Moby

 

 

Most eight year old Boys are only are only interested in playing with their toys and their Dog. Not me when I was eight I was a mother’s worst nightmare. Once my mother was cooking, she walked away from the kitchen for two minutes, that was all the time I needed to create catastrophe. Inquisitive me had to know what was cooking in the boiling hot Pot, pulling it down on myself causing third degrees burn to the entire lower half of my body. At eight I was into everything that spelled danger. Several months earlier while walking the Beach I met a man called Lefty, the way he came by his name is nothing short of a horror movie.


Lefty was an avid Fisherman who preferred big Game fishing. One day while fishing in sixty feet depths a Marlin grab the bait connected to 100lb test line, lefty and I must have been born under the same Zodiac sign, the monster fish snapped the pole and took off still on the Hook. Lefty was of my same Heart, he refused to cut the line and live to fight another day. He wrapped the hundred pounds test around his arm just below the elbow. Well now you know how he got his name, the line cut straight through the bone like a Saw.

 At eight I was an avid Fisherman lefty had taught me all I needed to know how to catch fish using only a hook and line the same way he lost his arm. It was danger in the make for a child like me, thank God I could never cast my line beyond the Shores. One day while I was fishing the Shore, Lefty’s  Boat rolled ashore dragging the ocean floor, the reason why the Boat was dragging is that Lefty had caught a four hundred pounds Marlin. He threw me the morning line that almost killed me trying to secure the Boat, screaming help from the top of my lungs.


Help soon arrived to get the monster fish out of the Boat. When it landed on the beach with my clothes all wet from going out to get the rope to tie the Boat, I could not tell if I had peed myself with excitement. This was Baby’s big day out, as soon as that fish hit the Sand lefty was all over it with his Machete cutting sixty pound stakes. Whoever was there took home a sixty pound marlin stake. As if I didn’t work hard enough securing the Boat, now I had to get this slab of fish home all sixty pounds of me. I had no intention of abandoning the spoils that I had worked so hard for, I dragged it through the Sand and dirt the entire hundred yards home. I guess it was that early on that Mother knew that I was happening guy, that was afraid of nothing and probably would die early from adventurism. Luckily enough the following years didn’t  kill me so today I live three miles from the Gulf of Mexico. Coincident? I’m here looking for my Moby.