Communicating with your Kids can be the greatest learning experience for both of you. Remember a while back I told you that kids do not learn values, they absorbs your values. It’s the same with teaching. You don’t browbeat them you communicate, as in listening, asking questions, interjecting your thoughts and making requests not demanding and making ultimatums and flying off the deep end. If tantrums develope take control as a good mediatior does barter back and forth like a good mediatior, find a common ground, be the negotiatior. You are trying to have them coming to the table of discussion. Not two people ranting and raving. When it gets to that point nothing is being accomplished except resentment.
When your Kids screw up the worst thing you can do is act harshly and not understandingly, many times they knows immediately that they messed up and wish they could turn back the hands of time. Now that you agree on something would you think it harsh of me to have your gamebox for a week or two. Not like I did when the Boys were thirteen refusing to listen to their Mother’s and my request that the should make it home within an hour or two after school dismissed. Why? nothing good comes from hanging in the streets, this is the voice of experience, at fourteen I was smoking Weed and drinking, we were only concerned for their safety. I bought them expensive 15 speed Bikes, pushed to my limits, with them coming home 5-6 maybe 7. I destroyed the Bikes which I regret to Today. That’s not how you do it Lashing Out.
If I had genuinely Burrow into their reasoning to find Root Cause, I would have known that the Boys had a close knit group among tow or three Boys. Sort of a Think Tank like I had at seventeen. All the Boys were likeminded about standing a cut above the rest. Blind me did not see that our job was done, if I had communicated I would have learned that. The Boys were hanging with the right People, they weren’t smoking Marijuana and drinking as I did at their age. I was so Paranoid about them doing the same things I did at their age, rationality was not in my Vocabulary.
Over the years I developed great trust in them, communicating was easy. Even in everyday life I found that positive Strokes worked way better than being confrontational. My Mother was one that was a master at communicating with positive Strokes, for instance caught me at fourteen with Drugs, she would say ” you don’t want to grow up to be a Bum do you” I would much prefer you growing up to be someone respectable and smart, Drugs are for losers. With an approach like that I would prefer getting smacked than being called an Idiot in a nice way.